Before OM, I was living a life of presentation, performance, and people pleasing. I was like a chill chameleon, putting on multiple masks to make other people comfortable without feeling any real sense of belonging. Sex was numb for me and I didn't allow myself to be around people long enough to let real vulnerability sink in.
I couldn’t stay connected in relationships and would float away onto the next one the moment I felt the sex wasn't on anymore. I was constantly seeking the right external circumstances to feel that missing nutrient of connection and fell gradually into lower pits of self-worth, shame and feeling like I was undeserving.
I was frustrated why my mind and body wouldn’t surrender to pleasure. I wanted to find a way to connect with myself and explore my understanding of intimacy. I wanted to find honest and fulfilling connection that came from my own power within myself.
My Intro to OM class was the first time I admitted my anxiety about intimacy, publicly. Saying the truth and being held in a conscious community allowed me to get free. From then, I made a vow to lean in further and plunge into this dark unconscious hole of my sexuality and find approval and love for wherever I’m at.
My first OM had so much electricity, something I couldn’t find ever in sex. It was like a lightbulb went on and since then my OM practice has been defogging the clutter in my system so I can breathe and release.
In my practice, I now excavate deep down through my layers of shame around my desires and feeling like I don't deserve what I desire. It has me being present to what actually is. I’m widening my capacity to feel, to stay leaned in, and to open in connection with myself and other people.