When I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation, I could hardly believe that it was real – and yet I distinctly heard this small voice inside whispering “I want to know more.” Through this practice I've come to know that voice as the voice of my desire. Before OM I wasn't sure if I had any desires. I didn’t know what I wanted – in relationships, in intimacy, in work or in life. I didn’t know who I was. I was so numb. I've had PTSD, multiple depressions, been numbed out with antidepressants, been torn down through several years in a marriage with a narcissist and had years of substance abuse to keep the feelings away. The only thing I felt I knew that I wanted – that I actually had all my hopes and dreams circling around – was that I wanted a life partner and some kids soon, and at 31 I already felt like my time for beginning a family was running out. Somehow, I didn’t feel like my life would really begin until I attained a boyfriend and got a family – and yet I was actually terrified of intimacy, and would repel every opportunity of getting into a relationship. I didn’t really realize this when I first found OM, though I was beginning to notice a pattern and wondering why I’d been single almost 6 years.
Now – almost a year to the day into my OM practice – so much has changed! To name a few: I’ve taken on my own responsibility of making myself happy instead of expecting others to do so. And I feel like I’m genuinely much more truly happy. Of course I’m not always happy – and where I would previously always fake a smile, I now acknowledge how I really feel and act accordingly. It’s a huge relief – for me and for others! Though I still haven’t found a boyfriend, I no longer feel afraid of finding one or not – I feel confident that a great guy will show up in perfect time. I’ve become much more aware of my patterns, my numbing has decreased and I now try to do what I can to feel as much as possible – leaning into all of my feelings – trying not to label any sensations as “bad,” but realizing they’re all there out of love. My relationship with my desire has also increased 10 fold. I now do my best to listen to that little voice inside – every day grateful that I decided to listen to the small voice a year ago and grateful for all it has brought me thru this practice.