I like being smart, or feeling smarter than others. As a South Korean, the thing I had to achieve to have a good life, was to get into top-name schools. I remember my school report of the first year in the middle school. Very good numbers, they were almost perfect. I learned how to feel secretly superior and use my privilege from being perfect to get even better feeling of superiority. Since that time, I have lived in this cycle of numbers & names. Good numbers steer me to a good name, and the good name gives me back fat numbers.
When I discovered Orgasmic Meditation, I was at the entrance of the successful life. That means, I had right names in right places. The only thing which bothered me was … I could not feel. Emotion, sensation, sex or whatever! There was a big relief when I found myself at the right place and … that was it. I felt so stupid and disappointed. I often cried in the restroom during the day to let out my stress and anxiety. I was like a big head floating in the air without body. My life felt like a black & white drawing without color, without texture, without taste or any real gravity. It looked so perfect without any sensation.
Since I started OMing, I follow my desire, no matter how small or strange, which makes me very happy. Last weekend in New York, I was in the Roosevelt Island Aerial Tram for the first time and was jumping around with joy. The view was awesome! I had always thought Asians taking photos in front of nice landscape are somewhat old-fashioned. I liked to think that I prefer to have a coffee somewhere near the monument and read its long history page by page. This time, I didn’t care. I made the typical peace signs into the camera. We took bunch of photos from every side with amazing views! I felt so happy and alive.
I can feel it. I can feel emotions, sensations, sex and more. I feel so much joy and love. Now my life is full of color, feeling and connection.