Loving a Woman Through Her Jealousy

by Kora Tien Kinard  Jun 21, 2016
psychedelic hair color woman dancing

The first time I tried Orgasmic Meditation, I partnered with a man who was in his twenties, just a few years older than me. He said he had a girlfriend, but that they had a unique kind of relationship because she worked with people quite intimately as an actress. I asked probingly if she was OK with us doing the practice together and he said she had insisted he come to the class in the first place. I accepted his answer, as it was not uncommon in San Francisco to hear such things. He offered me a ride home and flirted with me more over text the next day. To my surprise, I quickly found myself the target of his girlfriend's fury.

She looked gorgeous, the kind of woman I would have admired, would have wanted to know, and still kind of did. She called me a bitch, a home-wrecker, and destructive. Her face pulled tight beneath her expertly done makeup.

In the face of her furious barrage I felt exhausted. Layers of defense stripped away, I stood up straight, clear, calm and unwavering, and met her with soft ferocity. I parried each of her attacks with consideration. “Did you ENJOY it?” she spat. “Well, it’s a practice. It’s not about enjoying it or not, and I didn't feel what you might expect to,” I said. It was all true. Everything I knew about the practice of OM came to my lips, concise and clear. I explained myself and the practice until she quieted.

Nothing stood between me and responding to her. Nothing came up about how my mother had played a certain role with men and been called those things behind her back. Nor any of my usual anxiety or insecurities. We parted. I burst into tears a few minutes later, releasing the poised holding of that precise centeredness.

I surrendered. I felt how scared she felt, how her worldview shattered after her boyfriend and I OMed together, despite her insistence that he take the class. I wouldn't change anything about our interaction if I could, even with as much as I’ve learned. I've given her a wide berth and she has never chosen to speak to me. When I saw her boyfriend again, he thanked me for my response twice over with admiration. Last I saw them, they felt closer than ever, OMing together at one of OneTaste's advanced classes.

I am grateful, climax and collision, anger and jealousy and all, for the short ride we shared, and for getting to see the woman I am when I'm surrendered.

(Photo Credit: Unknown)