Limbic Connection, The Way We Feel Each Other Beyond Words
by Marie-Elizabeth Mali Nov 12, 2015
The practice of Orgasmic Meditation builds the ability to feel limbic connection: that instinctual, feeling resonance we have with everything around us. It’s a natural, animal skill that has atrophied in most human adults.
Seven months ago I rescued a timid, traumatized puppy, not realizing the extent of her trauma. For months, I was ambivalent about keeping her, afraid I didn’t have the skill to help her heal. I began to notice that she does better on the days I feel clear in my love for her. On the days I waver, she’s more fearful and reactive. Her limbic sensitivity has taught me to stabilize and ground myself so that she can find safety.
Being in a relationship with a partner who also OMs shows me how dynamic relationship can be when both people have open limbic systems and the ability to feel. Shortly after we started dating, I felt that he had sex with someone but didn’t know that’s what I felt. I felt off and nauseated. Soon I got a text, “I can feel that you know.” Rather than getting reactive or defensive, we grew closer in that moment because we realized how much we feel each other.
Most people have had the experience of thinking of a friend and then s/he texts or calls. Living a life in limbic connection is like that experience - on steroids. I’ll have a thought, say it, and find out my boyfriend thought the same thing a few minutes before. I’ll have a desire to teach or write and the offer will come within a day. Finding a convenient parking spot is usually a breeze.
Limbic connection is not always fun. Like when I tried to pretend I didn’t care that he was flirting with someone he used to have sex with. He saw right through my smokescreen and teased me until I cried and admitted how I really felt. I feel exposed all the time. This way of relating asks of me a level of integrity I haven’t maintained before.
Because he feels through them, none of my old tricks and ways of hiding work anymore. And his old tricks to create distance don’t work either. The times he expects me to get reactive - like when he’s closed off or stressed - I don’t, because I can feel that it’s not about me. I move on with my day and let him reopen in his own time. There’s no need to pull on him because I trust our connection.
When I first began to practice OM I wasn’t like this. I got tight a lot and easily went into overwhelm and panic. This didn’t feel good to the people around me and they let me know that. I’ve worked hard on changing this pattern. It still happens when I get afraid or hurt, but my baseline has shifted from expecting to be unconsidered or taken advantage of to being more vulnerable and open.
In this relationship, I’ve shifted from being a hypercritical person to one who shines approval on my partner. (Except when he has a desire to eat McDonald’s. That one’s tough to get behind!) Because I can feel him, I ask what’s happening if something feels strange. I interact with him from a base of trust, which influences our relating in the way that a researcher’s bias influences the outcome of an experiment.
I get to watch him blossom. I get to experience the gallantry of his emerging man. He handles me well when I’m vulnerable or scared because I trust he will. He laughs when I try to play small. With limbic connection as our foundation, we take risks and say the difficult thing in as close to real time as possible.
I’ve never been this honest in relationship. Or this grounded. Or this happy without being drunk on romance. Even my puppy feels it. She barks at every man, but rarely at him. Today she even licked his hand.
Photo Credit: Ramon Haindl