In the Space Between: Relationships and Alignment

by Ruwan Meepagala  Jun 17, 2014

"There is no right position. We as humans are not static beings, we're dynamic, constantly responding to the environment" says my teacher of the Alexander Technique, a method of using attention to release mental and physical tension to move with the least amount of effort.

Right now she is teaching me how to sit with the best alignment and least effort. Her hand is gently against the base of my skull. "We don't care about the positions, we care about the relationships; the relationships of you head to your neck, your hips to your spine. When the relationship between body parts is healthy, everything naturally falls into alignment."

That reminded me of the concept of the "in-between" from On Becoming an Alchemist by Catherine MacCoun, a practical guide on using the "lead into gold" metaphor as a way to change your perceptions and ultimately reality, and required reading for the Coaching Program I went through with OneTaste. An in-between is the relationship between two entities, treated as an entity itself. For this reason its often called the third.

If you put your attention on how you relate to other people, things, or even concepts you can notice that there is a certain feeling or flavor to the relationship itself. What's the feeling of your relationship to your mom? What about to your whole family? What about the the concept of "family"?

One of the basic principle of alchemy is that the third determines the behavior of the two entities in the relationships. For instance, who you are and how you act at work is presumably different than when you're with your significant other due to how you feel about those things. Furthermore, how you feel about money, or friends, or sex, is probably reflected back to you in you reality.

Most of the time when we want to change a part of our lives, we try to force a desirable situation in the same way I used to force my spine straight because that's what healthy posture should look like. This often doesn't work and causes painful side effects.

Instead, focus on the relationship as if it was it's own thing. How can you play with the relationship in your mind for it to feel more harmonious? It's basically a mental shift from relating from fear--which is signified by attempts to control outcomes, to one of love--where you let things be as they are.

When the relationship feels good, the behavior of both parties act in most natural, effortless, and attractive way. This is true for people as much as for concepts like "love," "money," and "fun." People who feel good about love, usually have lot of it. People who feel tight around money, usually run out of it. "Tightness", attempts to control, often manifests as literal tightness in the body.

My Alexander Technique teacher ends our session by saying "Our mind uses a lot of energy gripping for control. That gripping makes us tired and even causes pain. We learn how to release control so we can do the least amount of work so we have lots of energy left to do the things we really want to do."

The reality you experience with people, things, and even your own body is determined by the feeling of the relationship in between. When you allow the relationship feels good, everything falls into alignment.