Stop Ignoring Your Feelings (Find the Connection You're Looking For)
by OneTaste Living Library Apr 16, 2014
by Steven Wong
My father comes from Hong Kong and my mother from Taiwan. I was the first on both sides of my family to be born in the United States.
From the time I was little, my parents always instilled in me that I am Chinese while my teachers at school said I am an American.
I also grew up with two religions; my dad is Buddhist and my mom is Christian. I was always confused about who I was in society.
Even though I identified as American, my parents always have told me that I would not be accepted as an American because my skin wasn’t white. This was their stereotypical viewpoint on American society.
Most of my life I was either shunned for being too Chinese by my Western friends, or for being too white to my Chinese friends. I felt so lost and could not find myself.
My parents told me to ignore my feelings and accept whatever society throws at me. And I was severely beaten by my father and his family.
I learned about BDSM recently and it drew me back to my childhood. I cried and withdrew from participating in the exercise. I was cracked open, feeling things that I buried deep inside and had forgotten about.
During that time of my life, I disconnected myself from feeling because it was truly painful.
I began coming back to myself during the OneTaste Coaching Program. There was a moment where my teacher Nicole Daedone said “I see that there are a lot of scars in your heart. Let love in and take time to heal your heart.”
In that moment that I felt truly seen. She saw something that I thought I had hidden away.
Since I found OM (Orgasmic Meditation), I have become more connected with my body and my orgasm.
In the beginning of my practice I found myself practicing to get it right, without actually being plugged in to how it felt.
Now I am a router for human connection. It is a constant practice for me to stay connected instead of retreating.
I live alone in my place, so I push out to connect through service. Every day I make the effort to show up for my community and be helpful, and be turned on!
In finding connection, I am slowly finding myself. And I am feeling my power as I love myself more.