Kick Obligation Out of Your Sex Life

by Bez Stone  Nov 5, 2013

I was reminded of one of my favorite things about OM today when a stroker with whom I haven't OMed in some time came over for an OM today. I haven't seen this man for several months, aside from the occasional run-in at a local event. This is how it went:

I am sitting on my front porch in the sun, editing articles for Orgasm Daily. He walks up and says, "Hello Bez."

"Hi, great to see you! Let me finish this sentence and then I'll be right there."

He waits one minute on the porch as I type.

We stand up and without a word walk into the house.

We set up nest with a bit of light chit chat. "How's the house? How is the paper?"

"Everything is great." It is warm and friendly and sparse.

We OM: 15 minutes of stroking, grounding pressure, sit up, share frames.

"It's great to see you and OM with you again," I say.

"You, too," he says.

Then he leaves.

I go back to the sunny porch.

And that's that.


I remember the first time I hosted an OM. I wasn't sure how it worked. Did I offer this guy a glass of water when he walked in? Was I supposed to make him tea and act friendly? Show him the bathroom? Make interesting conversation? And if so for how long?

That first time a stroker drove to my home, went straight to the nest, stroked my pussy for 15 minutes—and then just left—it blew my mind. There was no obligatory conversation. No need for idle chit chat. No expectation of freshly baked cookies or ensuing blowjobs. No marriage proposal. Just, "Thank you for the OM," maybe a hand shake or a hug, and then out the door he went.

I was flabbergasted. It was too good to be true.

One year later, not only do I accept such sparse interactions around OM—I encourage them for everyone. There is something about unpinning the cultural norm of obligation around sex that OM is an exceptional remedy for. Nothing undoes a woman's "good hostess" etiquette than someone stepping into her home to stroke her pussy for 15 minutes—and then promptly leaving when he's done.

I've found the results of kicking obligation out of my life and relationships monumental. Here's how you can have it, too:

  • Listen for your true desire. We women often misreport our desires based on a storm of cultural forces and compulsions. Too often, "What do I want?" is at the bottom of the list. Will he think I'm slutty if I ask for that? Should I even want it or not? Am I supposed to just say yes? And the ubiquitous, will I hurt his feelings if I say no? Next time you are faced with a choice, listen for your true desire beneath the conditioned voices of obligation.
  • Stick to the container of OM. The cleanliness of OM—from the simple, "Would you like to OM?" request to the 15-minute timer—slashes obligation from the picture. There's just not room for much extra baggage with OM. You don't have to be in a good mood to do it. You don't even have to like the person. While the container may at first seem strict, trust me—sticking to it has actually given me more freedom than I could imagine.
  • Say what's actually true—not what you think "should" be true. Obligation kills orgasm—because orgasm is inherently desire based. Saying Yes when you don't mean it may avoid a bump of conflict in the moment—but over time it builds nothing but resentment. Similarly, saying No from a place of guilt denies your true desire, creativity, and passion—which will eventually kill the very relationships you're trying to foster. Create a new paradigm around telling the truth rather than operating on "shoulds" and get a taste of what real connection feels like—bumps and all.