That Guy You Hate: An Unlikely Love Story
by OneTaste Living Library Oct 28, 2013
There was a man in my community that I couldn’t stand. I found him to be annoying at best—overbearing, pushy, and revolting at worst. Based on his age, style of dress, and physical characteristics I would never have imagined myself to be attracted to him—ever. He met none of my list of preferences when it came to attraction. And yet something happened in my body when I was around him.
Through this most unlikely relationship, I’ve learned that leaning into aversion can be more powerful than I could imagine. Because in those unexpected places of high sensation, there's more orgasm. By pushing out through the barrier of aversion, there was an even greater reward than if I had followed my usual list of preferences. Here's what I discovered in the last six months by leaning in:
1. Inside aversion is a high level of sensation. The first time Greg and I OMed, I climaxed within the first two minutes—there was so much sensation there. I still didn’t like him. As time went on I liked him less and less. I watched his passion come out in a project we were collectively working on and it made my blood boil. I started to think I hated him and I pushed him away.
Then I remembered one of the tenets of OM—stay connected no matter what. And I thought: “We should become OM partners and OM together regularly. I want to lean into this and see what’s here.” We had a session with an OM coach and she suggested we do research on climax together and explore how to extend that moment of high sensation without actually climaxing. While climax can happen during OM, it’s not the goal. And I noticed for myself that I would use climax as a way to relieve myself and bring sensation down to a more tolerable level. I begrudgingly accepted. We started to build a regular OM practice. It took all of my attention just to stay with the sensation in the OMs. I wanted to climax to bring myself down from the level of intensity. There was some magic that happened between us, some deep place that he was reaching in me that I couldn’t explain. There were raw and wounded parts of me that would surface. My orgasm would get huge and I wanted to shrink away. We would share frames after. Every time his frame was that he would start to get teary eyed when stroking me. This had never happened to him with anyone else.
2. Leaning into aversion takes you into your involuntary. As I started to let him in deeper I began to develop desire for him. I couldn’t stand it! I didn’t like him! And I didn’t want to. But the more aversion I had the more intense the physical sensations were. It was like my mind couldn’t stand the idea but my body and my pussy wanted more connection with him—way more. The push pull inside got so intense that I had to let go of control. I started to let go into the place of involuntary that every woman yearns for. The place where the magic of orgasm does its work. I had to let go of all my pre-conceived notions of my preferences and listen to my body. I shared my attraction for him. It was mutual.
At first I didn’t want to show my love for in him in public. He wasn’t cool enough. I didn’t want to be associated with the nerdy hippie. I found him disgusting still. I held him at bay because I couldn’t stand the fact that I was attracted to him. We were lovers but I would never concede to having any kind of “relationship” with him.
But my love for him grew. I started letting him into my heart. He began to become close with my kids as we all spend time together in community. He and my three year old developed a special bond which began melting my heart.
3. Leaning into aversion creates surprising results. If you told me several months ago that I would be in a deep relationship with Greg, I would have told you you’re crazy. This week I made two big requests. One I asked him to be my boyfriend. The other is that I asked him to take the OneTaste Mastery Course with me so that we can take our sex to the next level.
I wanted to create a container with him where we could use our sex to power our connection. A place where we grow and deepen into ourselves and our purpose. Not only did he say yes to my requests. He called me yesterday and said, “I want to sign up for Mastery with you—and I want to pay for both of us."
With all my list of preferences and my attempts at control, I never could have orchestrated my love life more perfectly than the way it is unfolding right now. By leaning into my aversion I am growing into a woman who looks beyond the surface, finds knowing by listening to her body and feels what the next right move is going to be. My mind could never plan it this well!
OM has opened up make capability to see something that I may have previously been averse to—and instead see it as sensation and fuel for my orgasm.