I OM. The Story of TOM.
by OneTaste Living Library Sep 11, 2013
I love OM. The simplicity of the container and the openness and connection I can find within it are amazing. It wasn't always that way.
It all started just over 4 months ago when I stumbled upon the TurnOn London Group on Meetup—oh boy, what a trip that was!
For years I have been looking for deep connection within the relationships I have formed. Only on a few occasion have I actually found it. I have been looking so hard that as soon as I found something that I thought was connection I would grab it and hold on tightly—so tightly that I would eventually kill it. Where there was real connection I didn’t know how to nurture it, to sustain it. My pure hunger for it would make it too intense too quickly and one of us would withdraw.
So when I started looking at ways to apply energy to relationships, I started investigating tantra. There were loads of tantra groups on Meetup—but none were running events, and even fewer had run men’s informational events. So I looked at some of the profiles of other members and found TurnOn London. Loads of events, with the opportunity to discuss and play with connection.
So I went along to a TurnON...
At the end of the evening I signed up for the How to OM class with Nicole 6 weeks later.
It was the longest 6 weeks of my life. Going along to TurnOn, meeting everyone, I wanted to take the next step. I was even offered the opportunity to take private coaching, but declined as I wanted to experience the course in community. Looking back on it, this was my first step in learning to let go (a little) and not just jump in, not need to hold on so tightly that I would smother whatever was there.
The How to OM course, my first OM, Relationship by Design, came and went, then—nothing....
Delays getting on the hub. Trying to find out about circles, having a hard time contacting potential strokees, small problems but I wanted it all—NOW.
First circle was a nightmare. There were so many feelings and emotions. It was all so intense, I tried to run away (anyone recognize a pattern here?).
My fear of scarcity was doing overtime. I tried all the excuses I could make: I don’t live in London, women will say no, I won’t be any good at it, it’s too much traveling—the list went on and on. I reached out to someone in the community who had been at the OM circle to express my displeasure and my doneness. One loooong phone call later, I had calmed down a bit. I was still here and still wanting more.
So I told myself to reign my neck in and put some effort into asking women to OM. I sent out 8 or 10 messages and got mostly yeses. I set up a spreadsheet of who I had asked, if they had said yes, when we were going to OM, who I should ask first next. It was all very geeky, but it gave me evidence that OM’s would not be scarce. In the next 4 weeks I managed 33 OM’s, effectively averaging one a day, which meant 365 were possible in my first year! That sounded good and again gave me evidence that this was not going to be scarce. I even took over a week of going away for 10 days. A scheduled London OM day when I returned gave me something to focus on. It was all going to be fine.
OM 50 was my next milestone. In my effort to get some OM’s booked while in London for a picnic. I sent some messages and posted on our social network, the OM Hub. I had 7 OMs that day—something I liked the feeling of very much.
I think I finally believed it was possible for me to have as many OMs as I wanted, especially when I hit OM 60 3 days later.
So I wanted OMs—lots of them—but was fed up traveling for 4 hours to have 2 OM. So I decided to try something that we expound in our OM community: I decided to just ask for what I wanted. I called them OM saturation days. As many or as few OMs as we are comfortable with on the day, usually between 4 and 8, but could be more.
A couple of 8-OM days and a more 4 OM sessions, I had made the transition.
A clingy shy guy, who was worried about asking for anything because he did not know what he wanted... Decided to make his mind up and ... 101 OM’s in 88 days later... decided that if he wanted something, he could just stop hiding from it and go get it.
Big thank you to everyone that has been involved in my journey so far: all of the wonderful women that have asked me or said yes to OM's, the course teachers, and all those who have turned to me for support. I am no expert but am happy to share what I have learned.
Have fun people. I am.