Men: Why You Should Stop Trying To Do It Right

by OneTaste Living Library  Aug 17, 2013

penetrate ˈpeniˌtrāt [verb]

• succeed in understanding or gaining insight into (something complex or mysterious) • be fully understood or realized by someone • sink in, be understood, be comprehended, become clear, fall into place • comprehend, apprehend, fathom, grasp, perceive, discern


There are some views reforming in me with regards to women and the role of men as strokers.

Basically, there is this safe-zone. The zone where men are doing it right. Where we receive approval, encouragement and positive regard. Sort of like society's concept of a "good man."

And there are certain shortcomings of staying in that zone. It's very difficult to have enough attention on a woman and hold a container steady enough for a woman to enter a state of orgasm if my attention is absorbed with myself staying inside the boundaries of "good man."

So some of us (with some encouragement, poking, prodding and goading from turned-on women) become resolved to step out of that territory into the wild territory of our beast. We abandon, jettison, or at least momentarily table the expectations of appropriateness and "good man-ness."

Then confusion arises. Namely that the feedback I receive as a beasty man, as a penetrator, can look very, very similar to the feedback I receive when I'm just being a fucking asshole. "You're annoying. You're being dumb. Go away. I hate you."

The realm of beasts has real risks—psychic risks, emotional risks, physical risks, risks to the health of relationships. Learning penetration means mistakes. Not unlike life in general. The awful part is that in the realm of beasts, we no longer have the same kind of "insurance" policy around our mistakes. "I was just doing what I was told. It wasn't my fault. I was just trying to do what you wanted."

Because the moment we stepped into the realm of beasts, we implicitly assumed responsibility. We were the stroker. We initiated the action. We spoke the words. And now we can feel. We feel our mistakes. There is a high potential to go outside the rails—sometimes far.

What is a stroker to do? He can no longer rely on the overt feedback he receives. Because 100 forms of resistance exist. People hire beasts to navigate resistance, not to collude with the first form that shows up. No, the penetrator must have enough self-esteem to absorb a mistake without being saved.

He's basically screwed. He has no formula.

He has two hopes. 1: The sensation he feels in his finger (and his self). It tells him the difference between penetration and harm. He reads the 98 signals of orgasm that guide him even when the 2 of resistance are speaking.

And 2: women. Orgasmic women. Women who are hungry for their spot to be touched and know the only man capable of touching it is a badass. Is a penetrator. This woman trains him. She tortures him (with love). Rather than polish his ego with false reassurance when he is far from the spot, she shatters it by telling him the truth.

His overpowering wish to do it right temporarily collapses in on him while his eyes open to the gap in between his desire and his skill. The lie of his competence is removed.

Now he can begin.