Stroking for My Own Pleasure

by Roy Piper  Aug 9, 2013

When I began OMing nine months ago, the idea of "stroking for my own pleasure" seemed off. Stroking for my own pleasure means that, as a stroker, I adjust the stroke based on what feels good in my body as opposed to what I think might feel good for the strokee.

At first the concept felt selfish. I felt I had a responsibility to place the woman’s "get off" above my own. Pleasing her was a component of my masculine role—right?

In recent months I have discovered that this assumption—this urge to get a woman off at whatever cost—stemmed from an inability to follow my own desire, a fear of my own orgasmic power, and a lack of self-worth.

As my practice evolved and I began to feel more sensations in OM, the idea of "stroking for my own pleasure" began to make more sense. A quote by Nicole Daedone really stuck in my mind: "Nothing feels worse to a woman than a guy who is desperately trying to get her off." That was a real splash of cold water on my face! What triggered me in that statement was the fear, "If I can't get her off, what good am I?" This inner dialogue stuck with me for over a month.

In the last few months, I have come to realize I can stroke simply because it feels good in my body. I am allowed to take pleasure in stroking itself. Stroking is not a means to an end or something I do “for her.” This is a freeing notion! Increasingly I enter the OM with the belief that she is fully responsible for her own get off—as I am. This is actually a mutual vote of confidence in each of us, not a selfish viewpoint. I am giving her and myself credit for being adults instead of people who need fixing or “taking care of.” Our mutual Turn On meets at the "point of contact" and what is created is "orgasm." Not her orgasm or my orgasm, but orgasm itself. Those OMs where we each arrive as full equals are incredible. I don't fret about my role as space holder because the container does that. It is built not just to protect her, but to allow each of us the freedom to explore our mutual Turn On within a safe playing field.

I know from experience that what happens in the nest eventually makes its way into life outside the nest. If all my interactions with women start taking on the flavor of what I find in OM... life is going to get really interesting.

Stroking pussy? Fun.

Orgasm? Great!

Meeting women as compete equals and bringing my own TurnOn to each encounter to mix with her own?