Sex After Sobriety

by OneTaste Living Library  Mar 29, 2012

nn nnI got sober about 5 months after starting an OM practice. They say the age an addict starts using at, is the age at which they stunt their emotional maturity. When I heard that I understood, why after the superpowers of alcohol and drugs were stripped away, I went from feeling like I could handle almost anything, to a scared, awkward 13 year old in a 25 year old’s body. Suddenly there were so many feelings of inadequacy, fear, and exclusion, it was a huge slap in the face to my ego. I was left with the question, “Who am I?”nnI eventually remembered that scared little girl that dressed like a boy, who had sweaty palms anytime a cute guy would look her way.nnIn the beginning months of my sobriety, sex was like inviting my own personal sex critic into my mind to judge every last movement, breath, subtle moan, sigh and sensation. “Does my partner really want to be here? I am doing it right? Am I turned on enough? Is it okay for me to receive? Is it okay for me to ask for that? I smell bad, I’m not wet enough, it’s unattractive to be nervous, I can’t relax into it, I can’t go over, AHHH!” This is what sex after sobriety is like?!nnIf that were I all was left with I would have given up on sex all together. It’s not uncommon actually, for recovering addicts to simply avoid sex and intimacy. Thank God for my OM practice. OM makes it possible for me to turn my sex over to my higher power, along with the rest of my life. All the same thoughts and doubts come up in my practice as well, but here I know they are safe and welcome. Because of the structure of Ograsmic Meditation, I know I can just identify the thought or feeling that is coming up, say it outloud and let it go; I don’t have to do it right or control the situation by not speaking my thoughts. It’s goalless, there’s no obligation, it’s safe to ask for what I want, and it’s a PRACTICE. Meaning, I try to practice these principles in all my sexual interactions; goalless, transparent, and without commerce.nnHaving a life after sobriety takes practice. Sex is a huge part of life, and OM has been my way of stepping into a life of sobriety with a whole new attitude towards sex. I’ve learned that vulnerability is the most attractive quality someone can have, and I think I’m headed in that direction. Not only do I show up for the sex I have now, but it is much more connected and pleasurable than it ever was before getting sober. I owe that to OM and few other steps I’ve taken along the way.nn nn nnLife is a lot to feel. It's no wonder we often times use a buffer between us and all that feeling; substances, food, sugar, relationships, people, you name it. The road to feeling it all is no easy cruze. Orgasmic Meditation is a practice that can open the door to 'feeling' being pleasurable. With time and consistency in OM, you can gradually begin to increase the amount of sensation you can tolerate. Those fifteen minutes a day of just feeling, will begin to expand and translate into presence and connection everywhere in your life.