Noticing the Obvious

by OneTaste Living Library  Mar 26, 2012

nBy Justine D.nnNoticing the Obvious is a potent exercise for developing your capacity for simplicity and attention.nnWhen looking at things in the world, most of us are conditioned to see, and then immediately layer an interpretation over what we see. We see a face and automatically categorize it as attractive or not. Similarly, we divide all the world into good or bad, beautiful, boring or ugly.nnIn this exercise, we practice removing the layer of judgment and instead, naming exactly what we notice. Instead of seeing an unattractive nose, we notice the size, shape, color and contour of it. In this, we develop our ability to notice detail at a refined level - a skill that we can carry into our sex and relationship life at the visual, but also emotional level. We begin to see ourselves and others simply as we are - with nothing inherently right or wrong. We learn that there is nothing that we need to hide from each other - but that all can be brought into the light of attention. From this place, we can relax, open, and connect without fear of having our hidden faults revealed. Sitting in this reality, we can make better decisions about what we actually want, rather than leaping to conclusions out of habit.nn1. Sitting or standing, settle in across from your partner.nn2. Put your attention on their face, taking a moment in silence to simply notice it.nn3. Then, starting at the forehead, begin naming what you see. Describe the tone of skin, the existence of wrinkles or blemishes, the shadow and light as it falls against them. Taking your time, slowly moving down the face, in turn describing eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks and chin.nn4. Ensure you use only value-neutral words like colors, shapes, and textures. Do not use qualitative words like beautiful or sexy or ugly. Describe in subtle detail what you notice, not just “I see blue eyes” but “I notice your irises are light blue-green, with flecks of tan towards the pupil”. Also avoid the use of metaphor, as in “your eyes are like a deep, turbulent ocean”. Get real and specific.nn5. Be aware of any features that you want to avoid noticing or naming. Feel your discomfort and name them anyway. Notice how it feels in your body to speak the truth. Everyone knows they’re “not perfect”. How does it feel to state what is so?nn6. Take a good 5 minutes to describe your partner, then spend a few minutes sharing how it felt, both for you and them. Then switch directions.nn7. When being described, notice how it feels in your body. How does it feel to be seen so clearly? What happens in your body, in your heart and in your genitals, when your partner notices a blemish and describes it in detail?nnNext time you OM or have sex, take a few moments to notice your partner’s genitals. Describe them in detail and notice how the heat of your attention affects the sensation in your body and theirs. Feel the concurrent tension and relief of not needing to hide. And let us know how it goes!nn nnAttention is one of our most powerful assets. When we learn to use it deliberately and skillfully, we can change the way we experience the people around us, and in turn greatly enrich our lives overall. Orgasmic Meditation is a practice of cultivating our attention; our control over it, our ability to give it to people and situations, and our ability to receive it. Notice where your attention normally goes and how long it rests in one place, try something different and see what happens.