See and Be Seen

by OneTaste Living Library  Mar 12, 2012

nnn nnBy Justine D.nn“Let me take a look”, he says. Gently pushing me back on the bed, my new lover straddles my body and slowly begins moving his gaze over me. “Mmmmm...”, he murmers, taking in every detail. He bends my knees and moves my legs from side to side so he can see it all. “I like this curve,” he says “right here”, running his finger along the ridge where my thigh meets my ass.nnI cover my eyes. I can’t stand it. I think to myself, do you know how many spider veins i have running up and down the back of my legs? “Why are you hiding?”, he asks, and pries my hands away from my eyes. He looks at me intently. Shit, now he’s checking out the crows feet! I clench my teeth. I want to disappear.nnWe go on like this for 20 minutes. Him perusing every inch, while I break a sweat. Him remarking on my curves and contours, while I recite my well kept list of flaws. I almost cry several times, but he doesn’t stop. He won’t give into my self-judgment.nnThere is something so intimate about being seen. In daily life, I manage to cover the blemishes and wrinkles I don’t want exposed. God knows, I don’t wear short skirts. There’s a way I delude myself into believing I can maintain an image of perfection in the world, even if inside I’m aware of everything that’s wrong. But my lover crashes right through that. He names everything - the parts I love and the parts I hate. And in the light of his gaze, everything is seen as beautiful, even in its imperfection. “You can’t hide from me,” he whispers.nnI’m reminded of the first time I practiced OM and spread my legs in front of my stroker. I’d never had someone look so intently at my pussy before. Before putting his finger on my clit, he slowly described what he saw. Full, soft inner labia of a dark chocolate brown, pulled back to reveal a bright pink burst on the inside. Light brown pubic hair curling over pubic bone and down around the fleshy mound of outer labia. A small freckle beneath my introitus. Oh lord, I thought, did he think my labia were too big? Did I smell? Was he wishing I’d shaved my pubic hair? How did I compare to every other pussy he’d ever seen?nnI never got the answer to those questions, because they didn’t matter. It wasn’t the point of the exercise. The objective was to notice and name what was there - no judgments attached. We do this before practicing OM, because it develops the stroker’s capacity for attention, not to mention sensational feelings in the one being stroked. Even now, after 5 years of OMing, I still feel the heat rise when my stroker names what he sees in my pussy. It’s a place I am completely exposed, at my most vulnerable. A place where I have to confront all my self judgment and comparison. And ultimately, a place where there’s no choice but to surrender and feel.nnAt OneTaste, we have a tenet of relating “See and be seen”. It sounds pretty simple, but it’s actually a very challenging practice. It means not hiding our flaws and imperfections, not putting our best face forward and obscuring the aspects of self we think less flattering. Instead, it’s the practice of exposing and owning all parts of ourselves. It also means not dimming our vision to who others really are, but looking intently to discover them in both their darkness and light.nnWhat would others see if you stopped hiding? What would you find if you maintained your sight?nnCheck out my next blog for an exercise in developing your capacity to see and be seen.nn nnLike this topic or know someone in your life who would? Check out A Woman's Sex part 1