My Desire

by OneTaste Living Library  Feb 16, 2012

nnBy Rachael H. nnI have been looking for a new purse (just the right purse) for about five or six years. I am always looking and nothing ever looks quite right. Then one day I walked into Nordstrom Rack looking for something else, and I thought, “What the hell, I’ll look at the purses.” Much to my surprise, I see the perfect purse. It’s red, over the shoulder with a long strap. It’s really sophisticated and sexy. I found it. Then I look at the price tag; it is a ridiculous amount of money for me to spend on a purse. I have never spent that much money on myself, for anything. I decide to ask the sales person for the actual price of this bag, I mean, I am at Nordstrom Rack. She replies, “The price you see is the price you pay.” Steam comes out of the top of my head. I say thank you and huff off to ask another (hopefully less dumb) sales person the price of the purse. She agrees with the first woman.nnI hear this voice somewhere very quietly that says, “I am going to have this purse. I want it. It is OK for me to buy it, this is my purse. I am worth it.” Then I disregard my little voice of genuine desire, send a text to all of my friends to tell them how beautiful the bag is, how much it costs, and leave the store.nnThe next day I can’t stop thinking about the purse. Then all of a sudden half way through the day it hits me. I love that purse. I am worth getting something I love for myself. I rush to the store and buy it. I come home and I am so nervous to have spent that much money on something (and now all my friends know the price because I’ve already texted it out to them and I have this crazy notion that they will be really mad at me for spending that much money on a bag) that I rush upstairs and throw my new purse in the closet. I have a meeting to get to, so there is rest from this wild obsession. During the meeting I get progressively more and more sad. I’m convinced that my beautiful purse can never be shared because I am not supposed to buy something that special for myself. And I am sure everyone agrees. I’ll have to return it tomorrow.nnI get home and decide to show it to one friend. She loves it, says it’s great, and that no one will be mad. I am pretty sure she is insane, but my spirits are lifted from showing her something I love, and suddenly my desire feels like it can breathe. I take the bag back to my room and my boyfriend is there. I have to show him. He loves it. As we are talking I unpack my old purse and put everything in my new purse. I tell him I am going to leave it like that and in the morning I will put it all back in the old purse. I love this purse. I wake up in the morning so excited about my new purse. I can’t switch anything back. I go into work and show my friends and they all love it (still, I was genuinely surprised by this). Now I use that purse every day and I smile every time I use it.nnIt has taken me a long time to open up to the idea that I can have my desires, and it’s taken even longer to be able to actually receive and hold them. The more I OM, the more I can feel and know what I want. The more I can go after it and let myself have it. My “havingness” level is expanding, and as it expands so does my life.nn nnOur 'havingness level' is our ability to have our desires fulfilled. It may sound backwards, but it is actually, and more often, easier to not have, than it is to have what we want. Meaning it takes less work, and it's much safer. OM is a practice that will help you expand your ability to receive and to have pleasure in your life. Because you deserve more than you think you do.