Letting Desire Move You

by OneTaste Living Library  Oct 7, 2011

In the realm of desire, there are two skills you will not want to be without - holding and moving.nnHolding is the ability to cheerfully contain desire without grasping for satisfaction. Between any desire and its attainment there is a gap. When you are fixated and grasping, that gap fills up with anxiety. When you are holding, the gap is part of the turn-on.nnRecall a time when you were ravenously hungry and dined in a favorite restaurant. What was the best bit of that experience? Was it the moment you pushed away from the table, completely satiated? The moment you took your first bite? Or maybe the moment your meal was placed before you, smelling delicious but not yet tasted? If you are like us, the best bit comes sometime before complete satiation. Hunger is a component of dining pleasure.nnOf course, in a restaurant, there is little doubt that the hunger will be satisfied before you leave the table. Asking someone to satisfy your orgasmic desire is a lot less certain. They might be unwilling or unable, or both. Remember, though, that in OM, orgasm includes a lot more than the moment of “going over.” It begins when you turn on, and turn-on starts with asking for an OM.nnThe skill of holding is to fully savor that initial turn-on as if it were all the fulfillment you could ever have or wish. When you are able to do that (and I assure you, you will be able—it’s not as hard as it sounds) all the pressure is removed from the situation, both for you and for the other person. There is no way they can let you down, for you are already having the experience you want. You are no longer even tempted to try to control their response. All the obnoxious things you might conceivably do if you were coming from a place of grasping are pretty well out of the question. Your strategy can’t possibly be wrong because you have none. To the person on the receiving end, this approach feels marvelous. You are conveying that they, too, can do no wrong. Even if they decline your invitation, they will experience it as a gift.nnThe second skill is moving, which actually means allowing your desire to move you. Our usual conception of moving goes something like this: 1.) Desire to be somewhere. 2.) Decide to go there. 3.) Tell your body to move. When you let your desire move you, there are no steps. Movement and desire co-arise. You discover what you desire when you find yourself moving toward it.nnThat’s pretty advanced, so let me give you an entry level version of it. You start by acting on small impulses. Say you’re in a public place and you are thinking something nice about a stranger you see there. You like their smile, or their outfit, or some kind gesture of theirs that you witness. You sort of feel like telling them so. When your mind asks, “Should I go up and give them the compliment or not?” tell it “Yes, you should.” Then do it. This is a pretty low risk impulse: who is going to not like hearing praise? Yet what you are really doing is expressing turn-on.nnWhenever you have an impulse to express turn-on—to give a compliment, or share your enjoyment, or connect in any minor but positive way, decide in favor of doing it. One day you will surprise yourself by doing it before you decide. You will notice that you are acting on a turn-on without any forethought at all. Desire is doing that which, always before, was done by conscious intention. Once that happens, you will find that asking for an OM, which sounded so difficult when you first read about it, is actually a piece of cake.