My First OM by Amy

by Amy Jones  Sep 6, 2011

Amy Jones

My first OM was surprisingly confronting. As i learned about the practice, I became hungry for the nourishment I anticipated it would provide. But I also grew anxious. What was he going to see when I opened my legs? Until this point in my life, I had given my genitals little visual attention. It was an area of my body equal to a blind spot on a car. You know it’s there, but it’s rarely in your line of sight. I liked keeping it that way.

Knowing I was going to try OM, I figured I better acquaint myself. I sat down with a mirror and took a peek... and was somewhat horrified. The textures, the colors, the odd lines and folds… this just wasn’t what I expected. And now someone was going to put all their attention there for 15 minutes?

Despite what I had seen, I was determined to move forward. My partner and I met up the next day to try the practice. As he laid out the blanket and pillows, I couldn’t settle my mind; I was swimming in thoughts. Even as he started stroking, it continued. What was he seeing? What was he thinking? Was I defective? Abnormal? Could he tell I was in my head? Should I start faking it? At 15 minutes, the bell rang and I popped back to present time. I hadn’t felt a stroke.

Still, I didn’t want to give up. There was something in me that longed to be touched, that wanted to feel. I wanted out of my head and into my body. So fearlessly I asked him to try again the next day.

In that second OM, the sensation exploded. My body filled with a fluid heat coursing through my core and limbs. As the sensation flooded through me, my mind quieted. I could feel. I could feel deeply.

As much as I loved it, it wasn’t until later that I realized how much the OM had affected me. That evening, I crossed paths with someone I didn't like very much. In the past, I would immediately feel tense and agitated around this person. But to my surprise, my body felt only relaxation and ease. I was unmoved, facing this person whom I’d always second guessed myself around. It was like the energy of the OM was still working through my nervous system, calming me and allowing me to see things with new eyes.

In that moment I realized that I had found something which would transform me in the most subtle and profound ways.