What Triggers The Orgasm State

by OneTaste Living Library  Sep 20, 2016
orange and red pyramid GMUNK

What Triggers The Orgasm State?

We’ve all experienced the linear, goal-oriented Orgasm 1.0 and how it doesn’t give us the nourishment we’re seeking. In the moment, it provides a sense of relief, but it has diminishing returns. For example, if you drink alcohol after work to relieve stress, eventually after several drinks you don’t feel better. If you do this over an extended period of time, you feel even worse.

Before we understand the Orgasm State, we tend to try activating these 5 triggers in compensatory ways. Compensatory behaviors are the things we do to make up for ‘not feeling good.’ For example, if you feel lonely, you might eat or shop compulsively in an attempt to feel better.

Personal Power
Personal Power gives you the sense that you’re entering the State of Orgasm of your own volition, that you have the power of choice. If you feel pressured into the experience, you can’t relax or let go.

Commerce is a compensatory measure we’ve used to create a sense of power. It’s how we do things in a production-based world. We’re constantly calculating how much something costs, what we will owe, how much another person owes us. We withhold sex from our partner to feel power in a relationship. We do things we don’t want to do in order to have leverage in our relationships.

OM, on the other hand, cultivates a feeling of personal power based in Desire. Both partners enter on equal footing because neither is doing anything for anyone. We get stroked because we want to be stroked. We stroke because it feels good to us. It’s our practice! When we know and follow our desire, we root in ourselves, rather than in anyone else. This gives us personal power in practice as well as in life.

Safety
Ignition of our involuntary systems is what activates the Orgasm State, or Orgasm 2.0. In order for an individual to relax and allow this in a way that isn’t traumatizing, there must be the feeling of safety. Science shows us that in the state of partnered orgasm, the section of our brain known as the vigilance center (the part that looks out for problems and danger) goes quiet. In order to allow ourselves to go there, we have to trust that we’re safe, that no threat will arise.

To create this feeling of safety, we often use the compensatory method of Control or deprivation. We aim to keep things measured and familiar, so we don’t feel threatened. Sex and desire can be threatening, so we control them, keeping them within a very narrow band of expression. We hope that if we keep things controlled we never have to worry about feeling unsafe. We have a whole disorder that’s grown out of this misguided impulse – hypoactive sexuality desire disorder.

OM creates a virtual experience of safety by surrounding the entire orgasm experience with Protocols, from specific time frames to communication guidelines. The whole OM process is guided and held within this Container, so we can relax and know we will be held as we let go into the Orgasm State.

Variety
In order to stay interested enough to maintain an attention that can sustain the Orgasm State, we need variety. As humans, we habituate to stimuli and need new ways of experiencing something in order to stay engaged with the same level of attention with which we began. To feed our interest, most of us shift our Conditions to keep them new and entertaining. We seek out new partners, new sex positions, new sex toys, and other sexual entertainment. Or we substitute sex with shopping or other distractions to keep us entertained.

OM is aimed to develop ever more subtle and refined Attention with which we can see variety in every stroke. We become attuned to the infinite varieties of direction, speed, texture, the pressure, length and electricity in each stroke. Just as a Buddhist monk can find endless variety within the subtleties of the breath, we learn to use our attention to discover endless variety within the stroke. Attention is our greatest asset and, unfortunately, it is also our most underdeveloped skill.

Connection
By nature, the Orgasm State is a state of feeling. It’s what makes it so compelling - that intensity of sensation in connection with another. Basic teachings of biology provide the science behind this. One third of our brain, the limbic brain, is designed to feel into the feeling states of others. So as mammals, we have an incredible capacity to spread good feelings… and bad feelings. For many of us, we attempt to manipulate a feeling of connection through Compliance, trying to please others by performing or conforming in a certain way. We hope to create connection by pretending to be something, or forcing a feeling, as if there is one right way to access it.

In OM, we focus on the actual Feeling between us and another. We tune into sensation and notice how it changes when we are together. In this, we receive real-time, visceral feedback about what is happening. Sensation goes up or down, and becomes more or less electric in response to what is happening between us.

With OM, we fine tune our feeling body, our intuition. We learn to feel what’s happening for our partner through learning to feel what’s happening in us. The result is a certain kind of confidence. You no longer need to follow a formula or try to feel something you really don’t – in order to feel connected. You know you’re connected because you can feel it! It’s incontrovertible.

Extension
Just as we need safety to trigger the Orgasm State, we also need the balancing factor of extension. If we always stay within our familiar bounds, we grow complacent and our ignition dulls. We need the experience of going outside our normal boundaries and exploring the edges of what is possible to brighten our attention and activate our body. In compensatory measures, we use Competition to provide this feeling of extension. We strive for goals or work to be the best and in this push ourselves beyond our usual bounds. It works for so long… until it depletes us.

In OM, we’re given a path of advancing Mastery to extend ourself onto. All of ourself is called on to engage and understand the practice and our partner(s). So much that has been held down arises for exploration. We break our familiar bounds through breaking our old rules. We find ourselves in a room of strangers talking about pussy stroking! We feel and express desires we would usually deny. This releases all the energy that we usually spend holding ourselves in. Our exploration is fueled naturally as we grow into new and exciting places.

(Photo Credit: GMUNK)