Bathing In The Sense of Being Alive
by Dette Chimalpopoca Aug 11, 2016
I like intensity and I like surprises. I may rebel at sudden turns and changes but deep down I am only myself when my ability to receive a stroke and adjust is tested. I like truth games where we have the chance to reveal ourselves or be seen such that layers fall off.
Frequently, I’ve found myself craving experiences containing all that. Every so often I would find myself in one; where I could taste that truth, intensity and movement and bathe in that sense of being alive. In a semiconscious way and if I could, I would try to make them happen again, to get that taste one more time - until I could pump for no more. Only until I started OMing, did I have experiences that took me there, to that sweet naked spot, so deliberately and without the diminishing returns.
It is in that space of truth that something deep in me relaxes and just is. During this past Demo Intensive, this June, as it was being laid out during the first night, I could feel in it the freedom to be. That freedom was more concentrated than I’d ever felt it. That part who is intrepid and lacks filters could relax and know she was amongst friends. At times it came out ravenous, not quite believing her luck. That old hunger, satiated at last. The play, the real play, was just about to begin.
The more I said what I saw and the more I received people and what they saw in me, the more the woman, the mistress of my own mystery, came to light. I recognized how much she scares me, as she is primal and indomitable, powerful in a way I am not always quick to be in approval of. Every stroke and every word uttered in that container opened portals for her and myself. You may say I was tripping the whole time!
Soon enough mistakes and wrong turns became less scary. Shame was shed at the sight of my own love for myself, my own conviction of my perfection and the perfection of the moment. Hence, the process became incredibly prolific. I left smelling the sweet scent of my game shared with others and ready to say yes when there is an invitation for deep intimacy. I crossed the door as a nourished woman who wants practice at the core of her life and with a revamped relationship to the Unknown. And last but not least, I connected deeper with the part that wonders, sees unbelievable possibilities and loves science and the beauty in it.
(Photo Credit: Michael Levin)