Beyond Gender - Unlocking Your Whole Human

by Nicole Daedone  Jun 20, 2016
two people face to face sensual

Transcribed from the I OM Talk, recorded live in Los Angeles, January 2016, Reprinted Courtesy of the Living Library.

The Tarot is a fairly elegant examination of life. It starts with the Fool card, which represents endless possibility. Then the deck splits into masculine and feminine all the way down to the last card, which is the World card. It is the highest, most evolved card because it represents the union of masculine and feminine.

Fundamentally, I think we're here on the planet to fully awaken our own masculine and feminine within ourselves through deep esoteric practice. The idea is your masculine and feminine can always be making love with each other, and what you're emanating out into the world as a result is the perfume of that love-making.

That said, when we talk about transgender and transsexual we tend to conflate gender with masculine and feminine. Every single one of us has both masculine and feminine, and every single one of us would do incredibly well to wake both up and figure out how to connect them in ourselves. When we connect our own masculine and feminine there’s a resonance with everyone we meet. We have the capacity to meet others wherever they are. Say you’re highly masculine, I can call my high feminine out and complement you. Or say you’re highly feminine; I can meet that in you.

John Friel says the opposite of dysfunction is dysfunction. Anything that is extraordinarily polarized isn’t healthy because we have to hold the other half back. My personal bias is we've determined that if you’re an identified man you’re supposed to be all masculine with just enough feminine to have some emotions so you don’t drive me crazy. As a woman in this culture, I am supposed to be masculine, too, but in a hot body. The rationale for this is that in order to be really in love, locked in Platonian love, you must be half a being and I must be half a being. When we come together you’re going to have to be all masculine and I’m going to have to be all feminine. The challenge with that is that if you’re all masculine then I can’t be met in my feminine realm, my emotions. If you’re all masculine and I’m all feminine, I can’t hold you when you break down. You can’t trust that you can ever let go because I’m not strong enough to hold you.

Because of this idea, we end up with a lot of men who are trained to hold it together at all times and be stoic. At the same time, they must be intuitive about everything women are feeling. Meanwhile, women are supposed to be fragile little flowers and have the backbone to not fly off the handle when men go off and do these things; we're supposed to be able to handle it. It gets really confusing.

What I think we can do is become whole human beings in and of ourselves. When that happens everyone gets held, loved and met. I think the true question about how transgender people approach OM when there's a varying degree of mental and physical combinations in anatomy is: How deeply and richly do I want to evolve these different aspects of myself? Am I willing to take great care to meet people who are interested in the same things and don’t solely identify as Republican or Democrat, who want to know the gradient of being a human being, and who want to know how to land on every single key of the piano in such a way that connection with another person is a symphony rather than just a cymbol at the end?

That to me it is about as spiritual as it gets. Just being in the moment with you right now. There's nowhere else I could be, there's nowhere else I want to be, this is the fullness of it. What OM does for me is two-fold. I'm totally present and in it, but I'm with you. Then we come out of the OM, and I'll say, ‘My God, that third peak where we were going up, electricity shot up my body and I could feel it move into my left side up into my heart’. They say, ‘Oh my God! I think I felt the exact moment you were talking about; I felt a jolt in my finger in that moment’. Then we connect and we realize we have shared an experience.

The fear that we're alone and isolated is just fear; it is not true. Instead, through OM I have valid reality that we’re connected, connected at the level of sensation. That's where we find each other beneath the stories, beneath the ideas of who we are, right down here in the sensation where we feel each other. It's like your lips vibrating together when you're kissing somebody. There’s nothing else but that moment. And that to me is about spiritual as it gets.

(Photo Credit: Napie Mohsin)