Letting My Body Lead: Lessons From Orgasmic Meditation
by Marie-Elizabeth Mali Jan 24, 2016
In a recent intensive, Nicole’s instruction to me was to climax as much as possible in my OMs for 30 days. It made no sense. I’d spent the last couple of years not pulling for climax during OMs in order to build my awareness of and sensitivity to each stroke and to the entire range of sensations available in the field of orgasm besides climax.
I wanted to understand her instruction, so I asked why.
Because you clamped down on climax in OMs prematurely instead of allowing the desire for climax to be stroked out of your clit in its own time. Clamping down like this will hold back your orgasm in the long run.
She was right. I tried to be a good student instead of staying connected to my body. I had applied a rule from my head instead of following my body’s lead. I had exercised self-will instead of surrendering to the flow my body wanted. Again.
The holographic nature of OM is amazing to me, the way this practice reveals what I need to work on in all areas of life. Most of my life I’ve applied an external program to my body instead of listening to what it wanted. To my body’s detriment, I’ve done so much yoga a few joints got hypermobile, have worked out so hard I created permanent damage, have eaten too much raw food for my constitution, and have drunk more juice than my body could assimilate, all in the name of being healthy. In this way I privileged knowledge over intuition, rules over feeling, compulsiveness over flow. Of course my OM practice would reflect this tendency. Now I had a chance to undo this pattern and move forward in a new way.
When I started doing my homework, I saw myself direct the OM toward the type of stroking that would have me climax. Goalless practice be damned, I’m going to make this thing happen! I was repeating the same pattern of asserting self-will, except instead of trying to avoid climax I was now trying to force it to happen. I let go of control and over the course of the month the OMs shifted. My partner and I noticed on Day 27 a natural change in his stroking. Where my clit craved sloppy and broad strokes it now wanted precision. Where I had a strong, sharp sensation in one spot that felt like pain, I now had a lot of sensation in that spot that felt like arousal.
Since that month ended, I’ve noticed a greater range in my OMs. Some are hot and heavy, some subtle, some sharp, some soft. Instead of entering the nest with an idea of what I want from the practice, I wait and feel what emerges. My sex reflects this shift in range. My life, too. In the last two weeks of navigating a family emergency, I fell into old patterns at times but was mostly present and caught it quickly when I fell out of the pose. I look forward to seeing where my OM practice, and my life, take me next.
(Photo Credit: Sumeja)