Loving Another Woman's Husband
by Rachel Doe Nov 7, 2015
It's funny what an OM can do.
When I woke up this morning I checked my phone and found that my ride to the meeting in Albany had cancelled, so I planned to stay in bed in the sunshine and read my novel. My flatmate had already asked if I was coming to morning practice, but I said I was going to stay home.
For some reason I looked at my phone again and there was a text from my boss asking me to OM. Suddenly, I jumped out of bed, pulled my clothes on, and ran out the door with my surprised flatmate on our way to the center.
When we first met, he was married but still quite flirtatious. At one point in our acquaintance a mutual friend of ours had taken to saying "You're in love with him!" to which I would quickly and angrily respond "No I'm not!" Eventually though, his wife turned to me, and in a quite neutral tone said, "You're in love with my husband." I felt flustered and misunderstood, and irritated that other people would dare tell me how I felt.
That's why this morning I was suspicious of myself, and that I seemed particularly keen on OMing with my boss, when 5 minutes before my plan had been to stay in bed.
The OM itself was odd. I could feel that there was a lot of sensation under the surface but the predominant feeling was a fuzzy haze, like the sound of a radio when there is a lot of static.
As we were OMing I had an idea about how to make an event he was running much more electric. After we shared frames I told him the idea, which he took to immediately. In the moments after telling him, I played out the scene in my head: he would tell Nicole my suggestion and in the imaginary dialogue she replied, "She must really love you."
And then it hit me. The feeling I had been having toward my boss was love. His wife had been right!
But at this point it wasn't a romantic love. It was the warm-your-chest-with-sunshine-that-wants-to-pour-out-your-smile kind of love. I just didn't know any other way of expressing love to men except through flirtation.
Here was a man who believed in my brilliance so much that he'd backed me in coming to a new country to a new job. And now my respect, admiration, and gratitude had grown into a feeling of love that I had no idea what to do with. I was making the feeling wrong, because the only way I knew how to express love to men was to be sexual.
When I shared my discovery with his wife she said, "Yes...And you also love me, but you're not used to loving women straight on, so you go for men who are unavailable because its less confronting."
For some reason this is true. Women can easily complain to each other, but sharing how much we love each other is quickly dismissed, disguised, and discarded as a terrible idea.
Now I get to directly, cleanly, and unabashedly express my love for the amazing men and women in my life.
Pretty good homework if you ask me.
Photo Credit: artist unknown