The Woman and the Beast She Craves
by OneTaste Living Library Feb 17, 2015
Most women have a sexy secret that most people aren’t privy to. As proper and in control as the façade might look, there’s a part of her that longs for the kind of wild, dark passion that will enable her to fall to her knees in a state of full surrender. There’s a part of her that lives for this kind of carnal release, which sometimes feels like so overwhelming and inappropriate a desire that it gets tamped down, or revealed only under special circumstances.
Sometimes, that insatiable hunger is fed—but for many of us, the hunger can go days, months, and years without being satiated. The fact that this “beastly,” dangerous aspect of our desire is so needy, so all-consuming, scares the hell out of us. So we keep it locked up. We spend most of our time being overly vigilant when we’re around others. We attempt to become the perfect woman, the perfect wife or mother. We attempt to feed our beast with a number of toxic mimics: compulsive exercise, overeating, addiction to romance, and books like 50 Shades of Grey—which appear to give us the vicarious sexual thrills we want without actually touching our deep need.
When we turn on and tune in to the beast that lives within each of us, the one that wants inappropriate things and passion that threatens to smother us like a fast-moving tidal wave, something quite contrary to our expectations occurs: that is, we get fed. And getting fed means we get to live in the vital, raw pulse of the moment, not in someone else’s far-fetched fantasy of what good sex or a meaningful life looks like. We come back to our bodies. We come back to our most essential selves, which have probably been pretty lonely without us. We understand that in letting go of control, in welcoming the voices of those parts of us that we may fear, we are tapping into a soul-quenching source of love and wisdom.
Waking and coaxing out our inner beasts doesn’t require a poorly written romance novel posing as original content. It doesn’t even require the right man or life partner. It simply means that we agree to stop fearing the parts of ourselves that have so much to give us in the way of sexual and spiritual rapture if we stop to take heed. It means that we don’t put a lid on our desires for fear of violation and crude intention from others. It means that we understand our desire for passionate, feral expression is just our way of reaching for and demanding quality attention, play, and acknowledgement. It means that we become the powerful, turned-on, generative women who don’t wait for a man to wake us up; rather, we wake up the sleeping beast that lives within him because we want a match who is worthy of our yearning.
Most of us got the memo very early on that sexual desire was something we needed to be afraid of. It was out of control, and if we allowed ourselves to be swayed by its influence, we too would get out of control. Like the full moon could turn a perfectly respectable man into a werewolf, so could sexual desire transform us into beasts that operated recklessly, with no regard for morality or the well-being of others.
The paradox is that the more we keep this beast in check, the more of a tyrant it becomes as its most natural impulses get warped by its confinement. When we are able to acknowledge that the passion in a relationship stems from embracing the darker aspects of ourselves—the ones that want to break rules, play with power dynamics, experience yearning, and push through the barriers that threaten to suppress us—we discover that in the midst of that seeming chaos, there is also tenderness, connection, acceptance, and relief.
We associate chaos with darkness, but when we are in alignment with darkness, it's really not that chaotic. Chaos only happens when the artificial personas we've created in accordance with our ideas and ideals come into conflict with our true nature—then we call that nature a bad thing. We look upon sex as transgression that needs to be consecrated through stuff like marriage, relationships, and drawing very tidily within the lines. But this only pushes us deeper into desperation and dissatisfaction. And caging our beast is never an effective way to deal with it, given that the resulting mess is usually much greater than it would be if we had only loved and nurtured that beast, to begin with.
Although our beast has been relegated to the basement of our psyche, has been seen as an unclean and most unholy being we have to keep down in the dark at all costs, she is the force that is strong enough to withstand our fear and our shame—and to ultimately break through it, even if it takes a lifetime. She is where our true power and potential as human beings can be found. She makes us brilliant, because when we aren’t forcing ourselves into the straitjacket of goodness and propriety, we can actually fully inhabit who we are. We can be whole. We can be freed from the neurosis of modern life, with all its diagnoses and prescriptions which have NOTHING to do with our reality.
So ask yourself now: What desires have you harbored that you won’t allow yourself to have, because they’re “bad” or “inappropriate”? What are you afraid of? How does this fear keep you from reaching your full potential in sex and other aspects of your life? Figure out what the cost is. Get really honest with yourself. When we let our beast return to her natural habitat rather than confining her to a dark and solitary corner, she changes. After all, an animal in the wild is far different from an animal in captivity. By offering your beast enough love and trust to let it out of that musty pen you've been keeping it in, you ensure that it will be the homing pigeon that brings you back to your desire.