Five Ways to Make Your Sex Life Better Than 50 Shades of Grey
by OneTaste Living Library Feb 14, 2015
Given that 50 Shades of Grey premieres in movie theaters across the country this Valentine's Day weekend, and YouTube trailers of this titillating film have already added new dimension to E.L. James's now-legendary 2011 potboiler, this might be perfect cause for upping the ante on adventure in the bedroom in the coming days. While fans may find their eyes glazing over with naughty fantasies and naysayers will likely be busy pooh-pooh'ing the awful dialogue, there's no reason you can't break out a new pair of handcuffs or entertain some of the toe-curling liaisons that made Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey household names. Here are a few simple suggestions on how to do just that:
- Write out a desire contract for your lover. One of the most controversial occurrences of James's novel takes place when Christian gives Anastasia a "contract" to sign, item by item, based on what she is and isn't allowed to do in the context of her role as submissive in their relationship. For a night (or more, if it floats your boat), ask your lover to sign a contract you've created that details all the ways in which you demand to be pleased. Then find some time to make the fantasy a reality, and let yourself go wild. (You get extra credit if you ask your partner to write their own contract for you to sign and succumb to.)
- Play with polarities. Sure, Anastasia and Christian don't necessarily have the healthiest relationship and their communication skills are questionable at best, but what they do have is a hot and tempestuous connection to the holy grail of sex: the masculine and feminine polarity. Polarity is the basic spark that creates fire, attraction, and lasting passion in a relationship between a man and a woman. While everyone has their own personal balance of masculine and feminine, most of us tend to skew more towards one than the other. While our classical understanding of this polarity doesn’t necessarily match the kind of egalitarian relationship we've come to see as the cultural ideal, it is absolutely integral to lasting passion and sexual excitement. In fact, most relationships are tedious and lackluster precisely because they lack polarity, which can lead to an unsatisfying power struggle and crickets in the bedroom. Rather than clashing for dominance, play with the tantalizing possibilities of what can happen when one of you surrenders, while the other takes charge. Trust us—if that doesn't create an immediate sizzle, we don't know what will.
- Test your own boundaries. Conscious BDSM relationships are full of the kinds of complex negotiations that 50 Shades conveniently leaves out, for the sake of simplifying a fantasy that requires plenty of conversation. It's great to consider what your hard no's are in the realm of sex and to talk about this with your lover, but consider looking at an area of your sexuality where you might feel somewhat squeamish, uncertain, or afraid. Instead of turning away from it, consider what it would be like to direction engage with what might feel like a taboo or dangerous desire, and invite your partner to play with you. Where fear or aversion resides, the opportunity for unexplored pleasure is certainly also available. This doesn't mean you need to dive headfirst into a pit of snakes, of course. For instance, if you've always been titillated but somewhat intimidated by the prospect of rougher sex, playing with light spanking or hair-pulling might be an easy, sexy entrée into something that might currently feel too overwhelming.
- Talk about sex while it's happening. Christian and Anastasia are prone to grandiose verbal spells in the midst of their passionate sexual encounters, and while you may not want to borrow from their particular brand of dirty talk, giving voice to your desires and your pleasure in the middle of sex can create an enormous amount of turn-on for both you and your partner. Moreover, it enables you to be present with what's happening, which is likely to stoke the fire and lead to a hotter connection.
- Make a playlist for every steamy encounter. In 50 Shades of Grey, Christian and Anastasia do it to everything from La Traviata to Britney Spears. Think of the range of sexual experiences you'd like to have, and set the mood by creating a personal soundtrack that'll have you moving your hips and stripping your clothes off within seconds.