The Key To Your Soul Is Through Your Clit

by Amy Jones  Feb 6, 2015
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soul-clitShortly after I began OMing, I had to confront an aspect of myself that, put plainly, disgusted me.

But let me back up to my pre-OM life, to set some context. Prior to OMing, I was a very sexual woman. Many a first or second date ended in a hot make out, sometimes sex, or at least the lustful admission of wanting to have sex with said date. My friends chastised me for being too easy, “why don’t you take it a little slower, Amy?” We (my friends and I) were operating under the auspices that what I wanted was a relationship. But this desperation and hunger for sex and physical intimacy was so loud, I couldn’t restrain it. In fact, I prided myself on how sexual I was, I liked being the rare woman among my friends who believed in the power and importance of sex.

Fast forward a few years to OM and I am finally receiving the attention and connection I was seeking from men, suddenly my sexual appetite went from the proud, hunting sexual woman I had been to a terrified, hiding but still starving, woman.

Luckily for me, I learned this isn’t a unique phenomenon. Met with that which we have craved and hungered for, for so long, we often are terrified of claiming it for ourselves. The experience of scarcity and lack is one we are so identified with, the abundance is terrifying.

Like a starving person sneaking bread when the others aren’t looking, I didn’t actually want anyone to know just how hungry I was. Hence, my unceasing search for a boyfriend. Because in the context of relationship, it is a-okay to be ravenous and crazy for sex with your partner.

But to have it with willing partners, as a free woman, able to come and go and ask for what she wanted whenever she wanted? Well, that was a bit of a leap. I DID NOT want the world seeing just how hungry, how needy, how MUCH I wanted. I didn’t want to be vulnerable, exposed and known for what I really was. Because what I really was had not gone over so well early in life.

And as such, I spent many many years getting full sexually, in the context of relationships. As it turns out, I needed the love and approval those relationships provided, just as much as I needed the sexual opening.

So as my third relationship in 5 years came to a halt this past fall, I knew it was time. Time to claim my place as a woman who approves, loves and craves sex. Who can, finally, ask for and have the sex my body wants, be the sexual creature that has lived in me forever and I did not know the key code to unlock her cage.

OM showed me, how to do this, piece by piece. Being in a supportive, open and “stay connected no matter what” community proved to be the key to working out the parts of my conditioning that kept my sexual self caged. Don’t mistake me; I fought it, fought it hard. I wanted so much to be the “good” woman that society had instructed me to be, the woman who did everything right and had the love and acceptance of everyone, who played by the rules and was masterful at having dominion over her circumstances and image.

Well, that didn’t work out so well. Because what I’ve come to discover is that whateevr is true in your soul will work to be uncovered through any means necessary. Heartbreak, tradegy, devestation or disease, your soul will work to get you free from all that is false in your life until all that remains is you. And there is nothing more key to unlocking the power of your soul than an OM practice that, stroke by stroke, lights your body up in an undeniable, unescapable truth of who you really are. May we all live into who that person is here to be in the world.