18 signs you might be a flow junkie, infinite player or orgasm enthusiast
by OneTaste Living Library Dec 1, 2014
18 signs you might be a flow junkie, infinite player or orgasm enthusiast
1. You’re pretty sure that the word “moderation” is Ukranian or something, regardless you have no idea what it means You are immersive beyond repair. You can’t just dabble like other people and then leave well enough alone. You don’t make a little iMovie, you take on a whole documentary project. If you try a new religion, you decide you have to become a priest. Yes, you can become addictive. The same mind whose curiosity gets piqued with Egyptian temples and is soon reading everything it can get its hands on, collecting odd artifacts, implements and errata, also becomes equally fascinated with, shall we say, less savory endeavors.
2. What others call loneliness or isolation you call opportunity You can get lost indefinitely in what others would consider day dreaming. In fact, you probably have some grade school report cards that say note version of “Very bright, but tends to get lost in his/her own world.” Einstein is said to have had a placard on his door that read, “Forgive me, I may be lost in abstraction for weeks.” Normal people squeeze their “hobbies” or daydream time around their workaday lives, you arrange your life around your pursuits.
3. Eject buttons have nothing on you Small talk is sheer torture. If you are not plumbing the depths of existence, its basically useless. Ye who have known complete union with the cosmic one-ness of all existence and the timeless, formless, pure energetic nature of our true being, are stuck in a bland, fluorescent lit room talking about -- well you have no idea what you are talking about because you are plotting your escape right about now.
4. What others might call bipolar you consider a wide range You can, in one moment, seem like the stone Buddha of peace and equanimity then, in the very next, seem like a first-rate, Woody Allen-level neurotic. You are no stranger to mood swings. There is no despair like a Flow State lost. To go from awareness of endless unity with all things -- the place where the pixels are saturated with light and color, where you feel that you know in your bones what eternity means – back into the K-mart of workaday life. The ensuing existential crisis usually leads to a couple weeks of sofa bound pop tart and Gatorade binging on the sofa without even being able to muster much of a thought beyond the utter and total meaningless of life.
5. It’s not that you’re a player, you just thought the game was done When you love something, that becomes your world, but once you habituate to it, you have little use for it. You can seem schizophrenic in the fact that all you think, say, do, smell, touch, taste, is it. Whatever it is, from croughnuts to yoga to a new lover. And suddenly you are done. Done done done done done. And unless there is some drastic change in that thing, you feel hemmed in, suffocating, or the worst: bored. You have a “gotta go” alarm that sounds louder than a tornado siren.
6. When it comes to interrupting your flow, “disrupters” beware Anything that tries to get in between you and your source of flow, play or orgasm must die. You have spent hours, years, decades carving the entry to your exit from the everyday mundane and anyone or anything that wants to insert themselves between you and the wave, the instrument, or the practice that unites you with that sweet state of flow had best beware. There is something that is in you, that feels beyond you, and that seems to continually seek out that state. So much so that you, an otherwise nice human being, becomes relentless in pursuit of it. Once you’ve had one taste of it, nothing else will do and you will do anything to access it.
7. Sometimes you covet normalcy the way a housewife dreams of a fling You sometimes yearn for “normal” the way other people yearn for retirement. You see all those people who can be happy Facebooking about House of Cards (you, of course, are obsessed with Game of Thrones and are in the midst of reading the books which you started the minute you finished binge watching every available episode) and excitedly looking forward to the company Christmas party that has an open bar where they can talk about which co-workers they’re crushing on. Meanwhile, you feel like a wildebeest at a Bar Mitzvah. You ask yourself, “Why can’t I just be happy with simple things like other people?” But then anytime you go and try it, a slight panic ensues as soon as you are immersed in normalcy. About the best you can muster is learning to become a shape shifter of sorts, trying to emulate what you see others doing in order to not be “found out” for the flow junkie you are.
8. You have little use for external standards Competition is of little interest to you because the thing that drives you is exacting and demanding beyond what others can offer. You have a kind of dictator inside of you that demands precision response and works on a very simple rewards system: do what I say and you get heaven on earth, don’t do it and face grave danger from the vague, undefined emptiness of not having “stepped in” to the big kahuna ego death that comes from either making or missing a turn on the black-diamond run. Rules, instructions and orthodoxy are sort-of fascinating in concept, but you are not interested in “winning” or beating any system. You want to know what this thing, this thing being you, is capable of. You can, in fact, be quite maddening to people in power when they discover they can’t move you using conventional methods of reward.
9. You aren’t flighty, you’re discerning Commitment is something you take very seriously. Because you have a lock and load mind, you don’t have the same luxury as others of saying “Whoopsies, that was a bad decision. I’m outta here.” You are plagued, not by guilt (which is so conventional), but with that stagnant feeling when you didn’t see the thing through to the end. Where most folks get giddy at the thought of having a baby, you can’t keep yourself from picturing what they’re going to be like as teenagers and know that until and unless you’re ready for that, you will gladly stick to using condoms. People may call you non-committal, but you are precisely the opposite. You are committed to the core and as such, you choose wisely and rarely which can sometimes have you feel like you are just floating long after your high school friends have taken on mortgages and kids.
10. Darwin might not know how to classify you Who cares about survival when this…Feels. So. Good. Things like food and hygiene are negotiable when you are in a “state”. You made it, you entered it, you can see the image you want to paint or the words you want to flow on the page and suddenly it’s 16 hours later, you haven’t peed, eaten, or had a sip of water that whole time. You can barely see because you didn’t stop to turn on the light and you entirely forgot that your wedding was today or to go sign the papers on that 8 million dollar deal that was supposed to happen today (wait, what day is is?). Who cares! Inspiration is here! You didn’t like eating or paying your rent that much anyway.
11. You do not have a high tolerance for compliments For the most part, external praise can feel like so much distraction and should it run in conflict with your internal voice, it feels like total bullshit. There is a certain ring to your actions and that ring either opens the door, or it doesn't, and no amount of cooing can soothe you if it doesn't. On the other hand, external criticism can shock you if it differs wildly from your internal scoring system.
12. You are an unshakeable rock of jelly There’s a sense of knowing in you that is virtually impossible to dislodge, but because it is not static, has you in a constant state of disequilibrium. You can afford neither hubris nor shame, not because you do not have character flaws, but because they get you that much further from the state. You feel adequately spanked when you take that single second to think that you are doing a great job and immediately fall on your ass. You recognize that this genius that presents itself in you is not you, but the years of training that you’ve done to make yourself a hospitable place for it to come through.
13. You walk around feeling “from this world, but not of it” You feel separate from a world you feel totally at one with. While you can drop into the felt sense of non-duality while in your practice, when you come out of it you can feel totally deflated talking to people who don’t seem to get why you have to be so intense all the time, or think of your practice as “cute”. You may just come to the disillusioned conclusion that it’s hopeless people are dumb. You learn to live in a perpetual silent mental state of “I guess you had to be there”.
14. You have a limited shelf life if you are not plugged into the thing you love You fade like a vampire without blood when you’ve been away from your practice too long. You go from feeling like The Hulk to a strung out Bruce Banner, deflating, melting, running out of gas before your own eyes the longer you’re apart from the thing you love.
15. You are one of the most competent “incompetents” you know
You may be oddly inept at things “everyone knows” like how to use an ATM machine or purchasing a plane ticket online, while at the same time being viewed as a genius. You simply invest all your resources into one primary stock and figure that the rest will work itself out. You may experience a moment of panic when it comes time to pay at Whole Foods and you freeze and balk. It’s okay, you tell yourself, this is what keeps you humble.
16. It’s not necessarily that you like dark places, it’s just the only way to get some solitude You’re happiest in the basement or the research lab of your practice, simply tweaking away. The part of life where you have to come out and share your findings -- the raison d’etre for most -- is the cruel payment you have to make for the luxury of immersing yourself in the thing you love. I think this is why, when you see a world-class snowboarder in an interview, and the interviewer asks them to describe their experience, all they can come back with is “Whoa. I mean WHOA!” Fame would be a nightmarish consequence of your genius.
17. Okay, so you might be something of a control freak You can be seen as a “diva” or difficult to handle, or controlling, or prone to requiring odd daily rituals because you know that the perfect conditions must absolutely be set for that thing to come through. You live with the personal assistant to the Flow state barking orders about its demands and consequently scurry around like a lunatic to ensure that everything is just right. You cannot give your best if your best decided not to show up because it didn’t like the stage conditions. You know that all too well and do your best to suffer those who don’t “get it”, knowing that if you are precise ahead of time, they will forgive you in the outcome. You are fairly clear that it could leave you at any moment and so you do everything possible to make it’s stay inviting and enjoyable.
18. You are the quintessential one “rushing in where angels fear to tread” How else would you know where the boundary was? The state you are chasing is capricious, unpredictable, inappropriate, demanding, and high maintenance, and yet you would not have it any other way. Like the heroin junkie that learns to love even the feel of the needle, you love it not in spite of the torture, but with the torture as an integral part of the whole. Like a centurion bicyclist said “you do not just tolerate pain, you develop a good solid relationship with it”. And in some odd way, this changes you to love even the unlovable in the everyday world.