Why Moms Might Consider an OM Practice
by Michelle O. Oct 29, 2014
First, you might be wondering, “What is OM?” OM is short for Orgasmic Meditation. It is a fifteen minute partnered practice that involves stroking the upper left hand quadrant of a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. The only objective is to connect with your partner and to be aware of the sensations that arise in your body. Known benefits of the practice that I have experienced include increased vitality, increased libido, more relaxation, and a general sense of greater connectedness, to name a few. The practice can be shared between a man and a woman, or two women. For the purposes of this article I will write about my OMing experience with male partners (yes, I have multiple OM partners). Here are 6 reasons why I OM and why I recommend the practice to other mothers.
I am a single, working mom and I OM between 4 to 10 times a week, depending on the week. I started my practice just over a year ago. A steady OM practice has been an integral part of the happiest and healthiest version of myself that I have ever known. Here are a few reasons why:
#1: Straight up hormone health.
As we know, stress causes cortisol to increase in our bodies. Many women in our culture, particularly mothers, experience chronic stress. Increased cortisol has been linked to high blood pressure, impaired cognitive performance, increased abdominal fat and lowered immunity. I could go on, but I’ll stop there. An OM practice not only helps a woman to maintain healthy cortisol levels, it also floods her body with oxytocin. Oxytocin has been shown to have a positive impact on relaxation, trust, and psychological stability. A year into my OM practice I can definitively say that I’m more relaxed, I trust others more and that I’m more psychologically stable. Let’s be honest. Stepping into and navigating motherhood can make many of us feel unstable in many ways. OM helps me press the hormonal reset button.
#2: OM is an opportunity to relax the vigilance center.
It’s the part of the brain that has us concerned with safety and caution. As a mom, my vigilance center is often on high alert. Here is a quick glimpse into some of thoughts that run through my mind: “Is the car seat anchored properly?” “Don’t forget to tell the new babysitter about his strawberry allergy.” “He’s been sleeping quietly for 4 hours, is he breathing?” During an OM, there are several steps that my partner takes to ensure that I feel fully safe and comfortable so I can surrender completely to the experience. First, with OM, there is very specific methodology and series of steps involved in the practice. This way we always know what to expect because the steps are always the same. This is called the container. The OM always takes place in a nest which is yoga mat covered by a blanket, 1 pillow for my head, two pillows for my legs, and a cushion for the stroker to sit on. The practice is always 15 minutes, and the stroker keeps track of the time. I am safe-ported. That means that my partner let’s me know everything he is going to do before it does it. I won’t get into all the specifics because this isn’t the How to OM course, but hopefully you can see how easily I can relax my vigilance center and surrender to each stroke.
#3: I’m learning to ask for what I want
…within the container of each OM, in life, and in the bedroom. Once my stroker has begun stroking my clit, part of an OM is making requests/adjustments. Throughout the OM I’ll make requests like, “Could you stroke more to the left? Could you stroke a little higher?” “Could you use a faster, lighter stroke? Could you use more pressure?” My stroker’s reply is always the same (another part of the container). They say “thank you” and make the adjustment. Often, in my experience, an adjustment results in a change in sensation, usually creating more sensation for both of us.
This practice, of asking for what I want, has bled into my life. As a single, working mom, juggling it all has the potential of being exhausting. I know that this doesn’t only apply to single working moms like me. This applies to married mothers and stay at home moms too. As mothers, many of us put unhealthy amounts of pressure on ourselves! I know because there was a period of two years where I tried to do it all, perfectly, and mostly by myself. I tried to continue to be a rock star of an elementary school teacher, be a loving and doting mother to a toddler, and keep the house clean while making homemade baby food. The result? I came as close to having a mental breakdown as possible without actually needing to go to an institution. I pushed my partner away because I was always too tired. He wanted to have sex and talk and all I wanted to do was sleep. At one point I was washing down my prescription ADD meds with a cup of coffee in the morning and relying on a glass of red wine to unwind most nights. On the outside I was holding it all together. I looked polished and poised, and my friends called me supermom, but on the inside I was deteriorating fast. OMing has helped me to ask for what I want. “Can you pick Liam up from school on Friday?” “I desire to go away to Miami with girlfriends in November for the weekend, can you take him that weekend? Surprisingly, the answer is almost always yes! To my surprise, people actually want to help me. People want to make my life easier. Who knew? Not only is it OK to ask for what I want, it’s better for everyone, especially for my son.
To be honest, I’m still working on asking for exactly what I want in the bedroom. I still get shy. I still sit there and pray he will telepathically read my mind and do exactly what I desire. This for me is also a practice. With time and practice, I feel more and more free to ask for exactly what I want. You know when you’ve had partner for a while and you’ve “figured out” how the other person’s body works and you both know how to get each other off? It’s easy to get caught up in that routine. You know what “works” so you just do that. Since I’ve started my OMing practice, I’ve been asking more and more for what I want in each moment, based on sensation and desire. As a result my sex has opened up to a new level.
#4: OM helps support a steady, strong limbic system.
OMing has helped stabilize my limbic system. So you know when your infant is crying inconsolably and you rest your baby on your chest to calm him/her? If your limbic system is steady and clear and you are at peace, often within minutes your baby will calm and get into limbic resonance with you. That’s a benefit of mothers having grounded limbic systems. Similarly, I remember reading a study about one of the reasons why therapy works. This researcher pointed to how therapists typically have very grounded limbic systems. Their clients, who often come into the session feeling somewhat ungrounded, spend 45 minutes to an hour with their therapist’s undivided attention. They get into limbic resonance with their therapist and leave the session feeling better. It might not even matter much what they actually talk about during the session.
Once I started OMing, my little guy’s tantrums became way less of an issue. I knew the power of the limbic system. I knew since I was grounded, I could help ground him. I didn’t have to go on his limbic ride anymore! Now when he flips out, I just take a deep breath, give him my full, undivided attention, and figure out what he needs in that moment. We have fewer tantrums and the duration is way shorter. Amen.
Taking the time to deeply connect with another human being who is not my child. Sometimes mothers in our society have this tendency to have our whole lives begin to revolve around our children. Suddenly, they become our total focus. They absorb so much of our time and attention that we may not even notice it, but we disconnect from others. It is not a surprise to me that many mothers feel isolated. During an OM, there is a shared focus; both partners completely focus their attention on the point of connection, the finger and the clit. Also during an OM, the two partners experience limbic connection. When you have a steady OMing practice, you can more easily tap into the feeling state of your partner, or partners, because you share that limbic connection.
#6: Cultivate attention.
Before I started OMing, I often felt scattered. My attention was often torn between the past, the future, my growing to-do list, and rarely anchored in the present moment. The only times I felt centered and in the present moment was in yoga, a dance class, or running. I also would find myself completely engaged at work when I was teaching and working with students. Sometimes I would feel completely grounded and present with my son, but honestly not often. OMing has taught me to train my attention. My attention is more like a laser than ever. Now, I choose where I want to put my attention and I zero in on that focus. In an OM, when your attention wanders, and it will, you bring it back to the point of connection. That’s part of the meditation component. Now when I am with my son, the quality of our interactions is improving because I choose to give him high quality attention. I’m no longer playing trains with him but thinking about the laundry and what I’m going to make for dinner. This ability to gather my attention has not only improved my relationships, but I’ve become happier and more productive.
If you want to learn more about OMing, visit the OneTastse website at www.onetaste.wpengine.com. Workshops are taught in NYC, Westchester County, Colorado, Vermont, Austin, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Santa Cruz, London, and Paris. If you can’t make it to a course, there is online training available, and OneTaste has coaches who privately work with clients all over the world in the privacy of their own homes. If this article has moved you in any way, please like and leave a comment or question below.