A Path Untravelled
by Mark Parry Jul 4, 2014
This period of confusion is a catalyst for questioning everything I have put in place in my life and even my place in it. When I began asking questions I began finding answers. Truthfully though I don’t think I was prepared for the answers I found. I’ve always worked on the notion don’t ask the question if your not prepared for the answer, however I’m finding that the answers may not be what I want to hear these days but they are the answers I need.
I was already lost when I found OM, the child inside was screaming, ‘Help me, I’m bored, confused and lost. I’m in a place which is no longer fulling and making me happy. Find something, anything, try something new and do it now. If you fail then fail and then try something until you find me and find me happy. Don’t stop until you discover what makes us happy, joyful and mostly feel you have found yourself’.
Over the last few months I have learnt that my external circumstance matters very little or nothing at all if my internal compass is off, broken, lost or void of any purpose or aspiration. If I feel I have no purpose then everything about me feels purposeless as well.
How do I find myself or purpose?
I’ve actually little to no idea. I have only done what I feel is right and gone with how my body feels above my head. When I’m in a situation I observe how I respond and react to that feeling. By doing this I learn something new about myself. I learn not only about me as a person but what actually turns me on. When I’ve found that thing that turns me on I find a little purpose inside myself that makes me want to learn more.
Most of the time I feel scared and uneasy and a total beginner again. At this point when I think I know it all its good to be shown that I actually know nothing. From this place I get the opportunity to begin from scratch so that I can learn it from the start and learn it well.
The hardest part of this journey is that the path I travel can be very lonely. Yes there are people I can ask for directions but these are only pointers and no one can guide me in the right direction for myself. This is a mission I must travel solo, doing it on my own is the whole point of the journey in finding myself and finding the pitfalls and traps and not letting anyone guide me away from them.
What gets me through each day is that I trust I am here in this moment for some reason some purpose and that I could learn that reason in the next second or the final minute of the day.
I am here and this is my one life.
I would be doing God and myself an injustice if I never try and learn to discover myself and the man I was made to be.
I can’t discover myself unless I try and look, so im off to get lost and see where myself ends up.