On Beasts and Black Sheep
by Ruwan Meepagala Jun 2, 2014
"In order to help your daughter let out her beast, you need to have yours out" says Nicole Daedone. She speaks to a student in OneTaste's Mastery Intensive, a week long immersion of learning the finer points of integrating orgasm into your life. The student, a mother of a two, just asked how she can encourage her daughter to express her emotions without causing harm to herself or others.
We're on the topic of "The Beast," a name for the inner drive beneath our ego's preferences. This topic brings about much controversy, since our society is built around the premise of using the ego to override animalistic irrationality, what Freud referred to as the id. "Beasty expression" usually goes along with images of unruly destructive behavior, angry outbursts, and even violence. We learn however, that the beast within us only causes wreckage when it's controlled and forced into unnatural order. When the beast can be expressed without hindrance, it only wants to love and play.
The beast is the expression of the soul.
This part of us that wants to unfold in accordance with the entropy of nature often gets interfered with very early in life and marks the formation of our ego. Dr. Neal Goldsmith explained to me that this occurs when our parents or teachers first tell us "No." Our ego starts to develop as a way to control our inner drives to instead conform into the rules around us. Before we adjust to the laws of society or norms of our peers, we calibrate against the egos of our families. Our first sense of Right and Wrong is based on the conditioning of our parents.
Nicole's advice for the mother to "let her beast out first" means first to free herself of her conditioning to give her daughter clean expression to connect with. If a parent's expression is inhibited, any encouragement the parents gives the child to express will be tampered. In such a case, a child can only "free her beast" through deviant action. Nicole adds "what my mom lacked in beast expression, I made up for the both of us."
That made me think of what is means to be a black sheep. Black sheep, more than just being different than the rest of the flock, have a certain element of rebellious expression, a drive against the unnatural order they were born into. My parents were extremely strict and had many rules and ideals of how one should live, and I opposed most of them. As early as high school my Dad would joke about how "whatever normal people do, Ruwan wants to do the opposite."
Since adolescence, it was a huge point of contention between myself and my family. My major life decisions have been marked with the central theme of choosing desire over fear, feeling over pragmatism. I felt I had to hide myself at family gatherings to avoid the question "so what exactly do you do now?" or arguing with my Dad. Then last summer I realized that if I kept inhibiting myself to fit in, I was perpetuating the unnatural order of generations of conditioning in my family.
The kindest thing to do is to be fully expressed and connect from there.
While they may reject who you really are, you at least give them the opportunity to love the real you, rather than a projection. You also give permission for others to be themselves. Only when everyone's beast is out, can people truly connect soul to soul, rather than ego to ego. In fact, even the disapproval serves a purpose. To explore beyond or against appropriate convention, requires you to truly trust your feeling.
At this point my black sheep status in my family is pretty openly talked about. At my last family reunion a repeated joke was "if you're too strict on your kids, they'll end up like Ruwan." I laughed too. It's totally true. Black sheep serve an important purpose inside their families. They remind the flock that sometimes there are better ways to graze than just following the shepherd.
This is a message to all the black sheep out there. Guess what, you're doing it right. The best thing you can do for your family and the world to fully express yourself. All the greatest occurrences from personal achievement and historical happening have occurred at the fringe. At the same time, don't blame your folks. Don't get mad at convention. Don't get on a soapbox and start complaining about the woes of inhibited society. They aren't "wrong," they just have a blindspot. As the beast in the flock, you're simply someone who saw something the other sheep didn't.
In letting your beast out, you give permission for everyone else to do the same. You owe the world nothing more.