How Can You Support Her Desire…A Story

by Ali  May 8, 2014
Woman with triangle pattern on her skin

Feeling soooo happy Craig went to LA for Ignited Man (OneTaste event to teach men how to be in relationship with a TurnedOn Woman) this weekend.

We have two things we struggle with in our relationship.

  1. My reaction to his upset about mess on the table and the way he communicates about it to Noah;

  2. His reaction when I connect with another man.

It's so hard for me to experience his pain.

I've begun to turn off my desire because it's not worth the turbulence it creates in the relationship. Even though he has repeatedly asked me to turn up the heat, my biology and care for him, won't let me take it any farther until I can feel it's REALLY okay with him. And if hasn't been.

This past week, I went to a naturopath because I've been feeling off and she said I've likely started peri-menopause. 40 feels young for that and what I thought in my head is, this isn't peri-menopause. This is me turning off my sexuality.

I so don't want to do that. It feels too soon.

But I've never known how to just feel desire for one human to the exclusion of all others or to put a cap on my desire without losing my desire altogether.

It's why every relationship I've had up until now has ended.

I stopped wanting to have sex. And it wasn't pretty.

At 29, I decided if I never had sex again it would be fine because I was married, had two kids and a business. What else did I need, really?

Until the day I woke up in a yoga class (thanks Chappy ) feeling the energy of orgasm running through my body and remembered.

I was divorced within 6 months.

Within 18 months, I was back in a long term relationship with a man who was without a doubt one of the great loves of my life, Dave, but ended the relationship when I put such a tight lid on my desire (because he was not okay with anything other than monogamy), that I no longer desired anyone, including him, sexually.

It wasn't fair to either of us.

Craig and I went into our relationshp knowing we wanted to be open, but for the first year it was too hard for me. I would freak out anytime he considered seeing another woman.

Then, about 18 months in, I got the opp'y to be with another man (and Craig said yes) and the floodgates were open. I was ON.

And now it was his turn to freak out.

The Onetaste coaching program saved our bacon and supported him to learn to own his desires and supported me to learn to be a full body yes to them.

But he still struggled with my desire for other men.

So here we are and Craig is back at Onetaste for the weekend with one question.

"How can I be in support of Ali's desire to be with other men when I get super jealous and triggered by it?"

He just sent me a recording of the perfect answer by Yia. It would shift everything, if he can do it.

My peri-menopause would be gone, I bet. Desire back online. World, watch out. (I actually feel fear thinking about it, which is why I've created this set up repeatedly with men who have been such a big no and I'm so ready to call in everything I've been longing for on the other side of it.)

This feels big.