5 Tips on Getting Back into your Feminine
by Rosie Rees Mar 17, 2014
In this day and age, it’s so damn easy as women to get stuck in our masculine; that is, to layer on masks and shields to protect ourselves from the big bad world; armour to shield us from getting hurt. There’s a massive increase in bread-winning women in the family, and stay-at-home Dads, leading to a conflict in domestic roles and gender imbalances in relationships. We’re encouraged to be independent, career-driven, successful and self sufficient…oh and to juggle kids as well as being feminine and sexy at the same time.
Piece of cake right!? Wrong.
Tony Robbins suggests that men getting stuck in the feminine and women getting stuck in their masculine is the number one relationship killer! He talks about how men and women both have masculine and feminine energies, however over the past 30 years society has trained us to take on opposite roles during times of pressure, whereby when most men get stressed they become more feminine and, similarly, most women will become more masculine. The problem with this is that if you stay in wrong energy headspace for too long, not only will YOU suffer, but your relationship will as well and you will begin to despise your partner.
We must let our men be the masculine man they are, and we must allow ourselves to be the feminine woman we are deep down inside. It’s crucial for us to step out of our masculine, and step back into our feminine. Why? Because it’s our natural, pure, energetic state of being. It's embedded in our native roots. When we are feminine – we glow! We are magnets. We’re gorgeous Goddesses. We’re connected. We’re abundant. We're flowing. We're beautiful. Our softness and gentleness is our strength and power.
I was coaching a female client recently who had been married for 10 years, worked in a corporate job, had two kids and was in general struggling with life. She came to my session in a pair of jeans, converse shoes, a black T-shirt, no make-up and her hair was cut short and tucked behind her ears. Her body language was slumped, shoulders down, heart buried in her chest, hips jutting out. Her husband was sleeping in the spare bedroom, and no sex had been had in months. Her children were replacing the love that she used to feel for her partner. Things were looking pretty bad.
Not only was she visually in her masculine, she was also clearly out of her power center just by the words that were coming out of her mouth and her general aura. She appeared weak, sad, helpless and far from feminine.
I gave her the following tips on how she can come back into her feminine power center and how that can help regain strength and confidence in her life and improve her marriage and relationships.
1. Love yourself by accepting yourself
In order to love ourselves we must accept ourselves. When we accept ourselves just as we are, only then are we able to love ourselves. It’s not about ‘when I lose 5kg I will be happy’, or ‘when I get that promotion I will feel better’. Even if you feel you have some weight to lose or you’re not in your dream job, you have to start from the start which is fully loving and accepting where you’re at right now; who you are – both inside and outside. Happiness comes from within, and even once you have lost those few extra kilos or landed a promotion, you still might not be happy so why not just love yourself now, just the way you are? It’s a mental choice you have. It will set you free.
My hot tip, on your walks, runs or meditation repeat this mantra: How can I love, accept and enjoy myself even more in the present moment?
2. Be vulnerable – open your heart
Vulnerability can be the most beautiful thing. When we are exposed, truly bare, completely stripped of all the layers – that is beauty in its rawest form. Vulnerability seemed to be the buzz word of 2013 with Brene Brown’s work on how being vulnerable can cultivate power & authenticity. It has lead the way for women to feel OK about opening up, expressing their soul purpose, putting their heart out there and allowing themselves to be vulnerable. It’s in our feminine nature to be vulnerable, however due to a plethora of 21st century influences; we think it is weak to be vulnerable. In actual fact vulnerability shows strength. To be in the face of fear and then feel safe to tell your partner how you really feel & express your true feelings and emotions – that is vulnerability. That is courage. How can you open your heart even more to show you love? Are you holding love for ransom? Allow yourself to be vulnerable despite feeling the fear. If we fear, we must!
3. Look the part – walk the walk, talk the talk.
As much as femininity comes from within, it helps to look the part. It’s amazing how much doing our hair, painting our nails, wearing some perfume and throwing on a gorgeous frock can make us feel like a woman again. Even what people don’t necessarily see – our underwear. What type of underwear do you have on right now? I have pink silky undies with black polka dot frills on the side, and I feel sexy! Do I have a boyfriend to impress? No, but it makes me look and feel sexy, and that’s all that matters. When I feel feminine, I naturally and without conscious thought put on a flowing skirt or dress, wear warmer coloured hues, put on some dangly earrings, do my make-up and let my hair out. Not for attention, but because it makes me feel good! I also attract more masculine men in their power. Win, win.
4. Dance to the beat of your own drum
In 2013 I rediscovered my feminine Rosie again when I spent three days dancing at Uplift Festival in Byron Bay. Every now and again I will go to a Five Rhythms class or a Future Sound of Yoga session (raving) to dance my ass off, however it wasn’t until I was dancing all by myself with my eyes closed in a paddock to some Flute and Tubla musicians, did I become fully grounded in my beautiful feminine energy. I just moved my hips, legs, feet and my arms to the flow of the music. I let go of my mind chatter and let my body move any way it wanted to – not caring what anyone thought. Have you ever just let go and let your body move without thinking? Try it! Put some music on while you’re in the shower and move. In your bedroom, lounge room, wherever. Maybe book in for some belly dancing lessons, or perhaps salsa. Just, whatever you do - Dance. More. Often. It will crack open your heart...
5. Fill Up your cup – feed your soul
This can really encompass anything. It could mean being gentle with yourself, having some alone time, going to yoga, meditating, being in nature, walking, running, cooking, swimming, beach, surfing, writing. Maybe it’s digging your hands into the earth and doing some gardening. Maybe it’s performing rituals every day or night before bed like rubbing frankincense and rose-hip essential oil into your womb-space or face. Nurturing ourselves mean we have more time to nurture others. Once will fill up our own cup and feel energised, then we can give without it depleting us. Busy bee? Lock in one night a week where you can soak in a bath rub, enjoy a Yin yoga class, spend some quality 1:1 time with yourself to heal.
For every woman, being feminine has a completely different definition and it will look, sound, feel and smell totally different. Embrace and honour what makes you feel good. Determine where you’re at right now. Do you feel like you'r e in your masculine? Or are you in your feminine? How do you like to feel like a sexy, sensual woman?
We are all different, and beautiful and unique. We’re all Goddesses in training here to support one another on our journey. And it's important that we come back home in our feminine skin, because not only is it alluring and magnetic to others, it feels good within and will create more love and abundance in our lives.