“Crying and Laughing Again” - An OM Case Study
by Elidé Beltram Feb 11, 2014
For 30 years, I have treated patients from anxiety to depression, from bipolar to borderline personality disorders. I thought I’d share the story of my latest success, her name is Karine, she is 45 and came to me with severe mood swings accompanied by promiscuous behavior, and addiction to spending, alcohol, drugs and cigarettes.
With my psychiatrist on staff she was put on Lithium and Lexepro which gave her a little more insight into her problems and together we tried to look at her promiscuous relationships.
Karine is very pretty, intelligent and has a captivating personality, she could have all the men she wanted. Together we counted 35 broken hearts in 30 years. I purposely said “broken hearts” because indeed to was addicted to love, a hole inside of her that she wanted to fill with love, being wanted and belonging, to avoid the loneliness in her heart.
There was only one trap; once she fell in love she would push men away. Intimacy frightened her and she would lose her identity “feeling like a baby”.
When I heard of One Taste and Orgasmic Meditation (OM) I did some research on the origins and benefits of the practice. I understood how the hormone oxytocin, released during "an OM" played a big role in keeping the moods balanced.
Two important healing elements of this practice:
a) 15 minutes of practice in an ego-less state where one is in the moment which means no agenda to “go over.”
b) 15 minutes of oxytocin being released into the body – the happy hormone.
I presented this to Karine who laughed and said:” You must be kidding Doc, all my life I used fucking to feel better and now you want me to do what? With a stranger? No dinners? No going steady?
Opening my legs to a stranger and have him look at my clit? What is the pervert getting out of this?”
I took a deep breath and asked her to just try a session without expectations. I wanted her to slowly separate the thought that to have sex you have to be in love, I wanted her to separate the two. Let go of an old adage given to her by her parents and patriarchal society.
In doing so maybe she could stop one of her addictions, the most important one – to seek love through sex.
She was hesitant at first, then when I told her that Orgasmic Meditation was practiced by ancient monks more than 5000 years ago she started to research it and something hit her. She said "Oh, it’s about how the ego and the self stand in the way of experiencing God and the cosmos…like with LSD the ego is reduced and we can better see who we are and where we are going."
“Yes it is partially about that, OMing together reduces the Ego and we can really connect if only for 15 minutes, like being transported by a beautiful piece of music, of a good meal or conversation…a sunset” I said.
Also remembering meeting Dr. Jung in my home country Switzerland and discussing the Ego Death and how he was working with the co-founder of Alcohol Anonymous Bill Wilson on that subject, which is the basis of such a respected organization.
“Well you see Karine - who is also part of my Shadow Sound Therapy Workshops - that’s where I got the idea of this healing modality to use music that is dissonant, that you can’t sing along, have no memories associated to it or even remember the melody….when you listen to it you have to be in the moment, there are no seductive beat or words to pull you in.”
“Right” she said “ it’s the not knowing what’s ahead that works.”
In the following weeks, Karin was slowly changing her patterns. She experienced her first OM and I was feeling a shift in her ego, she was a little more humble.
One day she said:”You know I just realized that I can’t cry, since my dad died 6 years ago. I can’t, actually I can’t even laugh…. it makes me sad. I suggested she watch a romantic movie and continue her OMing practice. A few sessions later she came in smiling and open.
“Hey Doc, guess what, I watched a movie and I was able to cry”
“Well”, I said “how does that feel?”
“Great….but I am curious….it was a funny movie”
“It’s all about emotions Karine, OMing gets you in touch with your sensations and feelings. That’s what it means to be in the moment.”
“Right, right” she said “ they tell you to share frames; to explain what your experience was in your body.”
“Exactly, and sensations are the materialized form of feelings. So now you know how to simply be with your feelings and sensations, without needing to get high on something else, like wanting more from a relationship or shopping, drinking…”
"Ah! Being in the moment, without expectations… powerful."