Fixing the White Knight Complex

by OneTaste Living Library  Jan 23, 2014
Fixing the White Knight Complex

We talk a lot in this work about the benefits of turning women on vs. fixing (healing, reforming, the list goes on) them. Fixing being a derivative of the pervasive, disempowering broken-winged bird —> white knight complex I have found myself ensnared in a few times in my life.

Learning how to turn women on has a distinctly different flavor than fixing though both can create resentment. Fixing usually results in long-term resentment and disillusionment—in the short term you don’t see it, but in the longer term it’s the kind of energy that can only emerge from a person who has given up their power repeatedly and then upon realizing it punishes and resents those who have bought into their learned helplessness.

The resentment of turning on is the resentment of being called to our highest self, that burn that comes from somebody else not accepting “good enough” and asking for great, asking to be met with wholeness and full power. Nicole once told me, “In the world of abundant people the only thing they want is you.” Showing up as a catalyst of somebody else’s turn on is the antithesis of objectification and asks that we hold freedom as the highest aim of friendship. So at first glance, fixing could get a bad rap. At least, it did in my mind.

I am a process and structure-hungry, linear masculine man. I worked in a highly technical position for over half a decade happy as a clam. And when I was fixing all the time, I used my wonderful skills trying to fix women. I started doing work with OneTaste and eventually quit that job to teach and learn more skills and ways to turn on. And my friendships with women got better. I found myself in increasingly appealing sexual situations with women. My OMing practice soared.
Flash forward to now. I’m noticing my relationship with fixing had waned and has recently begun to reinvigorate… and I love it. It turns me on. In the last month I’ve lugged a 50-inch TV out of the trash and fixed it, and I just spent two glorious hours on the phone with AT&T tech support trying to fix a friends iPhone problems. I loved it. LOVED it. And I recognize now that I needed some time away from fixing to know, er feel, how to apply this once overused skill.Everything in it’s right place.