Don't Listen to Her Moans—Listen to Her Pussy

by OneTaste Living Library  Dec 17, 2013

I have a complex relationship to what it is like as a man and a practitioner of Orgasmic Meditation with respect to my partner making sound.

On the one hand, I want to do it right. I want her to give me that reassurance, that pleasure and feeling of power that comes from her sounds. They are like music to my ears.

I have a visceral reaction to them. A thrill, an adrenaline rush. I remember all the times I felt like a loser with women. All the times I wanted to collapse and give up, go into self-pity, or get angry and frustrated because I didn’t know what to do. It's like, I’m stroking and she’s making sound, and I feel like a prison gate has been lifted, and I’m free from all that. We are on the open road.

The only problem is, my male conditioning doesn’t much know or care the difference between whether she is faking it or not. This is a huge part of the conditioning that I came to OM to get free from—that way that it seems like I’m a little too simple. I can be gotten-off and gratified relatively easily, but there is a way that that experience by itself is missing an element of connection that I want.

While a woman might have an easy time getting me off, she may be just as baffled as I am when it comes to how she wants to be stroked—what feels good to her pussy and her body. There are these deep undercurrents in the relationship that feel uneasy, like they could erupt at any time. A lack of deep nourishment, unhappiness, the feeling of something missing.

Her getting me off in sex is nice and certainly pleasurable, but as an activity by itself, it doesn’t seem to have the power level to touch these more tectonic places of our relating. In what seems like an unsurmountable situation, she settles for a somewhat workable solution that can stave off conflict and keep things feeling smooth, at least for the time being. She fakes it. She plugs into that pavlovian reaction in my brain—she moans, and I get this hit of gratification.

As a trained stroker, there is a deeper thing available to me. My thumb is on her introitus, not to stroke there or penetrate her, but to feel for involuntary contractions. I have language, I can make offers. I can hear requests.

The dynamic used to be locked in a hopeless kind of stagnation—her not knowing what she wants and me not knowing how to deliver it. But now we are armed with these tools. We have an OM practice that was designed with very simple elements that though simple are profoundly disruptive to the paradigm of relating we’ve been locked in. I can tune in less to her voice and more to her pussy. More to my limbic system and the information it is giving me.

Every time she gives me verbal or auditory cues and signals that are in consonance with the involuntary signals, I get a little smarter. I can trust myself more.

So as a stroker my practice is to bring my attention back over and over to her pussy and to the stroke—no matter what kinds of sounds she's making.