A Woman's Irresistible Superpower

by [email protected]  Dec 9, 2013

I have gone through my life as a woman. An attractive woman by common standards. A commodity.

And as such, I have had a very particular set of experiences regarding desire. In short, desire has been something that “happens to me.” Prior to OM and up until recently, I had rarely ever experienced the onus of desire for sex originating from my body. Don’t get me wrong... I felt desire. I felt the sort of desire that co-arises when two people are attracted to each other. In fact, desire seems to always be co-arising.

999576_10100995792889928_598863238_nFeeling his desire inspires my desire. (Or sometimes it inspires repulsion of equal intensity to his desire. Either way, co-arising. But I digress.) So the way it generally works is he’s the man, so I can expect that at some point he’ll express his desire physically and make the move. In fact, it’s so predictable that he will make that first move that I don’t even have to feel my desire, I can just wait for him to express his. Not only is there no urgency for me to express my desire in order to get things going, I don’t even need to feel it. He’s got it covered. In short, the nuance, the intricacy of my desire has never mattered all that much. And as a result I knew very little about my own desire.

But something new is happening. I’m in this relationship that I’ve been in for a while now and a lot is shifting between us lately. First off we are in the Mastery Program together and there are more women than men in that program so I’ve gotten to witness him as a commodity while I have, for the first time ever, not been a commodity.

When we're choosing partners he usually gets asked before I do and long before I even think to ask him, let alone anyone else. Simultaneously, for the first time we are living together in the same city, in the same house, in the same room. No matter who you are and how hot your relationship is, a transition like that will change things. We are in an open relationship, so now that we live together we are both much closer to the experience of seeing each other date other people than when we lived in different states.

So all of these things considered, it’s bound to feel a lot different. And in this case, we’re seeing the poles we both hold in relation to our desire shift dramatically. It used to be that there was this thing between us that we could both feel. A deep rumbling electricity. And though it was neither his, nor mine, but rather the thing between us, it seemed to take form in his body first as desire and then, once expressed physically, mine would activate. This is how it had always been for me with any man. I had to feel desired first in order feel or express my own desire.

For a long time now we’ve both anticipated that there might be a lot there for both of us were the poles reversed. And now it is happening. It could easily switch back again but for now what we’re noticing is that I am the one who initiates more often. And we’re also noticing that when I’m super turned on, my desire has a LOT of power to move him. Like he will stop what he’s doing and magnetize to me if I’m turned on and blasting him with my desire. And if I’m not all that turned on, he can’t be moved. It’s AWFUL and it’s awesome and I am becoming, for the first time in my life, a woman whose desire really matters. What we do or don’t do depends pretty much exclusively on my desire. How deeply we go depends on how much I let him feel my desire.

It’s terrifying to have that responsibility but there’s nothing more empowering. I think a lot of women go through life operating under this conditioning that having the desire originate from their bodies somehow means they are not good women—not a prize, not valuable enough. We have it that our worth is dependent on how persistently a man pursues us, how intently he desires our sex. Even that we ought to withhold our desire, hide it, to make him jump through a few hoops before we ever let on that we have it. And it’s sad really. Many of us never get the chance to see the power we have to move him with our desire... so see just how influential it is. And we never get to experience what men experience—that in the possibility of rejection, of getting it wrong, and in doing it anyway despite those risks simply because our desire is so strong, there is immense freedom and power. Freedom to express our full selves through our desire, and the power to magnetize him to us simply because our desire is magnetizing.