Desire Has a Companion That It Rarely Goes Without
by Yia Vang Dec 7, 2013
I was the queen of the sleepy OMs.
For a period of time, in the beginning of my OM practice, I would fall asleep in my OMs. At first I thought it was because I wasn’t getting enough sleep. So I would make sure I slept well. I would lay down to OM, and a few minutes into it I dozed off until the end of the OM. Then after, I would be completely awake again.
I thought maybe I shouldn’t OM so early in the morning. So I’d OM later in the day to make sure I didn’t fall asleep. But I’d lay down to OM in the afternoon and fall asleep. I tried OMing at night instead, but low-and-behold—well, you know the drill. So now I can’t OM in the morning, or in the afternoon, or in the evening. I didn’t understand what was happening. And the weird part was, right after the OM was finished I’d wake right up!
But wait there’s more—it got worse. I was starting to put my strokers to sleep! No kidding. They would stroke me and fall asleep stroking me! It was horrible. No one wanted to OM with me because I’d fall asleep and I’d put them to sleep. I was so embarrassed.
So I got the nickname Queen of the Sleepy OM. It became a horrible joke. "If you want a good nap, OM with Yia.” Hahaha.
I didn’t understand why I was falling sleep in my OMs. During the OM I would try so hard to stay awake. I would focus attention on his finger, be fully alert, feel every stroke. Then my mind would literally lose consciousness and shut off. I'd talk to the people at OneTaste and asked them why I was falling asleep. They said it was resistance. Resistance? To what? Whatever.
Enough was enough. I decided to research it. I was determined to find out why this phenomena was happening—and only to me.
I lay down to OM. I put my attention on the stroke. Stay alert. Feel the sensation in my body. Warm. Buzzing. Expansive. Light headed. Heat. Sleep.
Ok, try again. So I researched for weeks. Still sleeping. Then...
Lay down. Attention on the stroke. Alert. Warm. Buzzing. Heat. Pleasure. Red... pleasure... oh it feels... good... ohhh I want... sex... doze... sex... doze... I want him to... sleep.
Ding, ding, ding ding! OMG! What was that? OMG! Was that... desire? Sex? Ok, I’m onto something. Let’s try this again!
Lay down. Legs spread open. Ok, I’m gonna stay awake this time! Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Warm. Buzzing. Electric. Yellow pinch in my belly. Pussy throbbing... Oh it feels so good. OMG! Sooo... good... Ohhh... I want to... I want... I want his thumb deeper in my introitus pushing down... Oh no! That’s so wrong! I can’t ask for that! It’s inappropriate... And I’m getting sleepy... sleep.
What? Sex? Why do I want his finger in my introitus? No! I can’t ask for that! No! That's inappropriate! That wouldn’t be an OM! That’ll be finger fucking! Shit. I’m a good girl. I don’t do that. I don’t go over in my OMs. It’s a practice. You just OM. This is wrong! He’ll judge me. He doesn’t want to do that. He’s not safe. He’ll want something from me afterwards. He’ll want to have sex. I don’t want to have sex with him. We’re not dating. He’s not the one. No. I. Can’t. Do. That.
I just won’t OM. Yeah, that’s what I’d do. I won’t OM. This practice is stupid. These people are weird! This whole thing is dumb! These people are using me. I’m being brainwashed! I need a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend! Yeah, I want love, and intimacy, and sex, and someone to want me, and safety and security. I want a family. A good job. A real life. Yea. That’s what I want. I don’t want to OM!
Days go by. No OMs. Who’s boyfriend material...? Grumpy. Grouchy. The world sucks. I can’t find a man that fits my ideal. Life sucks. I’ll be alone forever.
"Hey Yia, want to have an OM?"
Lay down. Legs open. Whatever. Stroke. Stroke. Warm buzzing. Heat flooding my pussy. An ache starts right at the tip where his finger strokes. A string of electricity spreads into my stomach. A pinching sensation builds in my core and now floods back down to my pussy. My introitus starts throbbing... oh, no, it’s happening again. A deep ring of ache circles his thumb at the base of my introitus... blue and purple bubbles of ache spreads into every cell of my body like the kind of 3-day old bruise on your skin that you press on because it hurts so good. My pussy wants to swallow his thumb... oh. My. God... I want his thumb... no, it’s so inappropriate... but, oh my... heat spreads from my whole pussy... my introitus is getting wet... that is not the lube... I want him to penetrate the depths of me... to feed this burning hunger that consumes me... it feels soooo good... my heart beating fast and loud in my ears... all I can think about is his thumb...
Maybe I can just will it to happen without asking for it... yeah, that’s what I’ll do... c’mon a little deeper… shit, can’t move my hips... ahhh fuck, it’s not working... ohhhhh... fuck... fine!
“Would you... umm... can you... ahhhh...” Shit, you can do it... ask for it... what do you want... it’s ok... “Would you... give me... some... ummm... introital strokes?”
Oh my god, I could die of shame right now...
Slick velvet pulsing... Ohhhh... My... God... Deep, warm, rich, red, fucking sensations ooze out my pussy and sucks his thumb in. Fuck being a good girl. This. Is. What. I. Want.
So, yeah. Behind my sleepy OMs were desires wanting to break through. It was so thick that I had to go unconscious so I wouldn’t feel it. The amount of desire is equal to the amount of resistance. That day I went from the Queen of the Sleepy OMs to a live, hungry, pulsing pussy.
Desire has a companion that it rarely goes without, you could say they are inseparable... it's name is fear. With desire arises an equal amount of fear. You see, we each have all of these nice, appropriate ideas of who we are and what we should and should not ask for or say, what turns us on and off, who turns us on or off, when it's OK to be this or that... but desire doesn't really wait in line behind those ideas. Desire pushes to the front because she can, and man fear doesn't take long to come behind her. "What if all my neatly packaged ideas of who I am are shattered? Then what?!" That's when resistance kicks in. Resistance is like fear's body guard... and it's pretty stealthy let us tell you. Resistance tends to show up in the most legal of ways—fatigue, time, money, flat tire, illness, upset, you name it and resistance can play it... it's a great actor. Next time you have a desire and suddenly that long list of emails simply can't be ignored another week more, check in with your desire.