The Art of Receiving from Men

by [email protected]  Dec 4, 2013

"Men love to do. Women love to be done for. A man rises to his highest self, the lust of being in his function when he is doing for a woman who is able to receive."

~Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex

I had an opportunity to STRETCH my receiving muscle again yesterday. If you read my last blog you’ll know that I am practicing receiving and all of my housemates are participating in various ways.

The summary of my research project of 21 days of me not lifting a finger in the community house I live in with seven people:

  • No housework.
  • No laundry. (I have to ask someone in the house to do my laundry for me.)
  • My breakfast is prepared for me.
  • 5am coffee. Someone is getting up every morning to make my coffee.

OPPORTUNITY #1

All of the women in the house were either out of town or at work and I was at home with the men. The thought of being dependent on the men for the day put me in a state of internal combustion. I could feel old patterns and wounds from being controlled, diminished, abused and repressed by men in my past.

Some of the old voices:
  • I am too much.
  • Men are incapable of showing up for me.
  • There is no place for me to lean in and receive support.
  • My requests are too demanding.
  • I am too needy and should do everything myself.

In my logical mind, I know those are old stories and I live with men who have all agreed to support me in the practice of receiving. Three amazing, open-hearted, powerful, kind men. Even knowing this logically, my emotional inner voices are so loud!

First Question: Who was going to make my breakfast? For the last two weeks, the women have been making my breakfast. They ask me what I want or they offer choices and then they make my breakfast. I wondered who I would ask because, “Obviously,” my inner voice says, “no one will offer to make you breakfast.” As I sat at the kitchen island thinking about eggs and toast, Andreas called out to me from behind. He was standing by the refrigerator with eggs and bread, asking me if I would like to have eggs and toast for breakfast.

My stomach did a flip flop. He remembered! He took the initiative. I didn’t even have to ask. Andreas cooked for all of us—Damian, Juka and me—and it was sexy and fun and connected. There was music in the background and conversation and playfulness. The food was great! Andreas even buttered my toast, an extra touch of giving to me.

Receiving Lesson: The old stories of the past are melting away.

OPPORTUNITY #2

All of the men have agreed to ask me to OM once a day for the next few days. They take the initiative to ask and to coordinate our schedules to find a time that works for both of us. This is an opportunity for me to receive their request and attention.

Last night we had a community party. The house was buzzing with preparation—errands, cleaning, cooking. I wasn’t allowed to do housework so I was just hanging out.

Juka and I had coordinated our OM for late afternoon and by that time he was busy cooking and running the kitchen. The energy in the house was rising to a humming peak. As I watched him cook at the stove, he paused for a moment and said, "Are you ready to OM?" I responded with, “There is too much going on. You don't have time for this.”

He stopped everything, looked me in the eye and said, "I am going to MAKE time for you."

Boom! He penetrated my heart. I had never experienced that kind of focused attention from a man. He was going to stop everything in the middle of cooking, people arriving, and “chaos” to keep a commitment to me. He took a few minutes to manage the flow of activities and assign jobs to the guests in the kitchen. We walked away from all of it and OMed.

Receiving Lesson: I can be penetrated by a man’s attention and receive love and support.

This experience is shifting something in me. I am noticing the subtle ways that men give and serve and do thoughtful things without fanfare. Like the day I was taking a nap in my room and Erik came in and quietly closed the door. I felt him there, opened my eyes and saw him tiptoeing backwards out of the door, closing it with the slightest sound of a click. I felt a warm, tingling spread throughout my body knowing that I was cared for and I could feel it.

I can feel my heart opening and my ability to connect and receive is increasing. Even when there is “inconvenience” or someone is rushed, if they are giving to me, I receive. I am learning to let go of controlling how the giver is going to give to me. I receive without rejecting the offer.

I receive.