We OM: The Story of Belinda & Kevin
by OneTaste Living Library Nov 25, 2013
What's left to discover about your partner after over 26 years together? Not much—or so we thought before we discovered Orgasmic Meditation (OM).
Other than a couple of bumps along the way my husband and I have remained close. However, like most couples, the connection wasn't what it was in the early days. Over the years we both settled into patterns and behaviors that fostered that loss of connection. Things withheld because one of us didn't want to hurt the other’s feelings; times when one of us felt hurt because we took a comment personally; letting our partner have their way because it was too much effort to discuss how we felt. Looking back, I don't think I can even tell you when we settled into a dull and boring but still loving relationship.
I first heard about OM this past June when Kevin told me he was signed up for the How to OM class in New York City. When I looked at the One Taste website my reaction was skepticism that the practice was more than it appeared to be. However, if Kevin wanted to try it, why not? My expectations were low when we shared our first OM the day before our 25th wedding anniversary. The practice didn’t just exceed my expectations; it changed our lives.
The best part is the effect the practice has had on our lives outside of the container.
First and foremost is the feeling of connection. We are closer than we have been in a very long time. That’s not to say it is always easy. We are breaking habits that have been established for decades. At times we slip into old patterns of behavior but we are learning to recognize when that is happening and, if necessary, call each other on it. We are learning how to share truths in less hurtful ways and how to hear truths without feeling that our partner is attacking us.
At the same time OM is helping us to learn to give each other more space. Part of this is understanding that our desire to protect each other is a form of control. That doesn't mean that we don't worry about each other; it means that we trust each other to ask for support and protection when we need it. For the first time, we have private e-mail accounts. It isn't that we are trying to hide anything from each other; we both need space to discuss things with other people without our spouse misinterpreting what is said.
We are learning new things about ourselves, each other and our relationship. Recently Kevin and I had an intense conversation that would have made me weepy and needy in the past. It was nice to be able to calmly and comfortably discuss the situation with him without feeling that it was my responsibility to fix the problem for him.
Physical and economic problems have left us with limitations that made it harder for us to enjoy life. Kevin had developed a "been there, done that" attitude that bugged me. I have struggled with depression for years. Since we’ve been OMing we have both noticed improvement in our moods and outlooks. Friends and co-workers have noticed the changes in us as well.
I have been an introvert all my life. Childhood abuse taught me to close myself off and downplay my emotions as a way of protecting myself. Once I got out on my own I worked to overcome some of this but I was only willing to go so far. OM has done more to bring me out of my shell than all the self-help books I read. I am more open, caring and willing to share than I have ever been.
Orgasmic Meditation has done so much for us that we want to help other people discover the practice. We all wear masks at times, but we need to be able take those masks off to realize who we really are. Disconnection is an epidemic we would like to help eradicate. So many people are closed off, not just from other people, but also from their own desires. We know so many couples who share a house, children, and responsibilities but seem to have nothing left as a couple. If they could reconnect perhaps these couples could find joy again.
So we are working to bring OM to cold, conservative central New York State. New York City may only be 214 miles from our small (pop. 530) rural village near Syracuse, NY, but we certainly feel isolated from other OMers. So far our attempts to tell friends about Orgasmic Meditation have been met with disinterest at best. That does not mean that we are giving up. We plan to start an OM community in Syracuse. By April both Kevin and I will be qualified to run TurnOns and OM circles. We are working to find venues for these events and trying to generate interest. There are times when we both wonder what we’re getting ourselves into—but we are going for it.