Why Women Lie

by admin  Oct 31, 2013

Day after day I hear a complaint from men who I coach. It goes a little something like this: “Why doesn’t she just come out and tell me the truth?”

No matter what the subject, no matter what the lie was, they sit there as arbiters of the law with their arms folded and legs crossed feeling that FINALLY they may have actually won an argument with a woman. How could a woman lie to him?! How dare she! Does she not know that he has always been honest with her? Does she not know that he followed all those other laws like being on time, opening doors and following through on what he said he would do, perfectly and to a tee?

Despite her constantly changing mind, chaotic moods, and wild emotions, the rule of law states that lying is bad and the naughty corner beckons.

And that is that.

The truth, I have found, is that a woman doesn't necessarily lie to be deceitful. She lies because sometimes there are twelve other layers of truth underneath that a man has not heard. The thirteenth layer was added and suddenly he’s further away from knowing what she was trying to say—and he's feeling righteous about it. Sadly, he has now missed thirteen opportunities to hear her. And fortunately, he can penetrate through every single one of them at once if he can step down from claiming he is right and truly hear her.

In the feminine, a man must prove his worth to hold the truth. It is not some arbitrary piece of information he will be gifted should he make it through her resistance. The main things men get stuck with is that they don’t realize that the truth is a small piece of the massive emotional world she wants to share with him. Each truth she withholds is another backed up resentment she daren’t share. To tell her man how deeply he has impacted her can be wildly vulnerable. He is the one who tries to maintain composure, integrity and reason and she cares more for connection, intimacy and being able to be a fully expressed woman.

Fortunately with OM, a woman learns to tell the absolute truth once she starts to feel how uncomfortable her body is when she conceals. Even in those super vulnerable areas that she doesn’t know she is lying about, those places she has never revealed, a man ignited with orgasm can feel beyond them. He doesn’t care about her lying. He enjoys catching her with approval and coaxing out her truth. She may have never trusted anyone with it. And he may never have known he had a choice about whether or not to get triggered. Getting “caught in the act” is nothing short of a relief for a woman. In effect, it is her system finally settling because she knows she is finally being seen. She may subtly and even unconsciously test him to see if he is paying enough attention.

As men, let us not miss out on those subtle cues—nor the precious vulnerability that hides behind the lies.