From Fake Dick to Honest Cock

by OneTaste Living Library  Aug 26, 2013

I am not a good man. I am not yet respectable either.

I have been disconnected from the world for many many years. My parents are just starting to know me. I am still obscure in my family. I have hidden myself from everyone and I believed I was happy.

My relationship with the opposite sex has been grotesque. I’ve never allowed myself to connect deeply with anybody—I used and disposed. This year alone, before the How To OM class in May, I had already slept with 60 different women. If I'm lucky I could probably recognize the face of one of them. My relationship with myself was a lie. I forced myself to live under a cloud of fake self-confidence.

I hated my looks. I tried to avoid mirrors as much as possible because I didn't look how my brain wished I looked. I tried to convince myself that if I were the best at everything and had everyone's admiration, everything would fix itself and I would truly be happy. I was 22 when I accepted a job offer with a 6 figure base salary, and that was a sad day for me because I had failed myself on the promise that I would be a millionaire before finishing college. (I tried; I sunk 3 companies in 4 years.) I had never given myself a chance to feel anything. My path had never been clear, yet people who knew me thought that I was set for life.

Then OM came into my life.

I started knowing myself better. I discovered the beauty of living from my desires. I amazed myself when I realized that I didn't HAVE to do anything—I could do only what I truly wanted. I saw myself transforming everyday from a fake, rootless dick into a honest cock. But there was still something missing. I was open with people but I was not able to give myself completely to them.

And then she came. She moved my world. She is very attractive on the outside (way out of my league) but gloriously beautiful in the inside. She challenged me in ways I did not know where possible, and she was there for me when I needed to be picked up from the floor.

Unknowingly today she hit me in one of the few places that really hurts. Tonight she will be with someone else. (We're dating and open to other people. I'm mostly cool about it, although I would be lying if I didn't say that I would love to have her just for me—but thats just greedy me). She said that what will happen tonight is purely physical. Oh boy, brace yourself, because here comes a mighty punch in the face of your ego! As a kid I was short, chubby, and very dark skinned. I was the laugh about inside my family, and school wasn’t any nicer. I felt all that anger coming back to me all over again. Why can't I be more attractive, why can't I be more ripped, why can't I be more handsome?!?!

I couldn't take it any longer so I went to the gym and hit the punching bag until my knuckles were numb. I kicked it until my legs cried for mercy.

And then, the sun came up in my world.

I will never be the smartest man in the world. I will never be the most handsome guy. I will never be the most interesting person around—but none of that matters. I sink into my body and realize that my love is what keeps me awake. It’s my intention that allows me to breathe. There isn't room for my insecurities inside my heart anymore. My life is taking shape and my orgasm is rising.

For the first time ever I'm experiencing the full spectrum of my emotions and for that I am truly grateful. Thank you OM for quieting my mind so I can chase my true freedom. Thank you all for teaching me about myself. Thank you for everything I have now.