(Re)Defining Orgasm

by admin  Nov 30, 2012

By Michelle W. When I came to OM & OneTaste and heard about a 'new way of defining orgasm,' I was relieved. My whole life I'd been going along thinking there was something wrong with me. That my pussy didn't work right, that I wasn't meant to get-off in sex; that I was resigned to pumping away, half dry, until my partner came. My girlfriends used to tell me that they would fantasize in their head until they got really turned on, and THEN they could have an orgasm. Another said all she had to do was shave her pussy clean, wear tight jeans, and walk up the stairs! Well, that wasn't my experience at all! (And neither of those techniques worked for me, by the way).

Eventually I found partners that really got my body going and my juices flowing, and that helped A LOT. The sex was amazing... but still no orgasm. “Where is this elusive thing?” I’d wonder.

Despite how good the sex was, I never walked away feeling really great about it, like I had fully let and was satisfied. I walked away thinking, how can I get it to happen? Why can my partner orgasm so easily and I can't? I often felt bad that I couldn’t give my partner the satisfaction of giving me an orgasm!

Then came OneTaste. With a new way of looking at things, they said, 'What you experience in intimate connection with another human being is Orgasm. When you go into an involuntary state in your body, where you're not constantly thinking or analyzying, and you're simply feeling, you're experiencing Orgasm.'

Over time, my problem started dissolving. I didn't stop wanting to experience this thing I had always called Orgasm, but I simply started looking at it differently. This new definition gave me permission to enjoy the entire experience no matter what happened, and in turn allowed me the space, in my own mind, to actually relax; relax into my body and the sensations I was feeling all over. And week by week, stroke by stroke, OM by OM, I began to relax more, to feel more, to trust my experience and my body and my partner, more. And then one day it just happened. That thing I used to call having an orgasm, (that I now call climax), happened! My mind had let go of expectation and fear and judgement enough to be able to go completely out of control with another person. And that's what climax is to me; going over the edge of my capacity to hold a certain amount of sensation in my body and letting it all go, losing all control and thought for 30 - 60 seconds.

Now orgasm is a different story to me. Orgasm is not something I 'have', but something I experience, something I live inside of every day. It's the experience of being in flow, out of my rational mind and feeling what's happening in my body, connected to my pussy, my emotions, the sensations happening all throughout my body. Experiencing orgasm is riding the wave of those sensations as they rise and fall, without attachment to one peak or the next valley, whether climax is happening or has happened or never happens at all.