Learning to Meditate....Orgasmically

by OneTaste Living Library  Aug 29, 2012

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By Polina S.n

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I am sexy, spunky, independent 26 year old female living in San Francisco and…

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I haven’t had sex in two years.

nI wish I could say it comes from a place a choice, from a place of more deeply wanting to get to know myself and feel empowered in my sexuality, but the truth is, my lack of intimacy came from the constant nagging belief that ‘sex never feels quite right, men can’t be trusted, I need to have these set of given circumstances before I’ll relinquish control …”nnI secretly believed that this would all change when the perfect prince charming appeared, giving me flowers and the space for my sexual goddess to be unleashed…but my month 20, when my dating life was still as stagnant as a door mat, and all the hoping and the praying wasn’t doing much good, I realized that maybe some action would be required on my part to see a shift in my sex life…nnEnter One TastennWhen I first met the women deeply involved with One Taste, I was immediately struck by how grounded they were in their femininity, sexuality, sensuality and strength. They were sexy and smart, sensual and strong, feminine and powerful--- a combination I had never seen so fully expressed…nnand I thought, ‘I want that.”nnEnter OMingnnI started practicing orgasmic meditation with a close friend and the guidance of an amazing OM coach in December. For the first month, almost every time my partner stroked my clitoris it felt like someone was scraping glass against an open wound. I remember my coach saying, “Polina, what are you thinking right now, let out your thoughts, uncensored…” And as tears streamed down my face I said, “Don’t touch me, get off of me, I want to go home…”nnWhen the fifteen minutes were up she said, “That’s your orgasm,”nnAnd in that moment, I got that the tears weren’t about wanting to stop OMing, they were about releasing, giving space, opening up and letting go of old stories that had been buried inside of my body for a long, long time.nnSoon after, my OMs started to shift—I began to feel warmth and heat cycling through my body, I felt pleasure, turn on and spirals of energy dancing through my body.nnAnd I started to allow myself to experience how much turn-on and desire was my present in my day to day life. On the physical level, it looks like:nn--Walking down the street, feeling lit up from the inside, unafraid of my sensuality—Men smile at me more and I no longer shut myself down or get resentful when they do—but simply smile back.nnOn the inside, I began to notice some very old beliefs begin to slip away and new insights emerge. Specifically:nn--I realized how often I kept trying to ‘manage’ my desires, how I kept trying to morph, shrink, quiet and lessen them in hopes that this would make them easier for other people to fulfill. Instead, I ended up resentful, tense, feeling unseen and desperately seeking for someone else to tell me I’m okay…nn-- That my desires are perfect, just as they are, they have full right to live and exist and be expressed, and the receiver has full right to say ‘no’---but their response means nothing about the inherit worthiness of my desire.nnThrough OMing, my femininity, my sexuality, my desires and my orgasm have awakened inside of me-- they are breaking through old barriers and long held beliefs—leading me down brand new corridors and into deeper regions of my Self. It feels like an infinite journey, a potent and delicious ride that, breath by breath, exhale by exhale, orgasm by orgasm, is shedding away old, unserving parts of my identity.nnA friend once said to me, “Polina, you can have it all,” and now, meditatively, orgasmically, I’m starting to see that that’s true.nnHere’s to enjoying the ride…one orgasm at a time.nn nn nn nn nn nn nn