Coming from Full

by OneTaste Living Library  Apr 20, 2012

nnBy Lianna L.nnWe pull up in front of my house. “I had a really good time,” I say.n“Me too.” He says.nnWe kiss, an awkward goodbye kiss. Lips smashing together, neither of us wants to feel too much. He has work to get to, and I have my day to start. I want to suggest that we play hooky, drive back to his house, and spend the rest of the day in bed. ButnI know better. I fumble with the seatbelt and grab my bag from the back. “Bye,” I say.nnHe smiles stiffly.nnAs I walk towards the door, I start thinking about the night before. I adjust the strap on my shoulder bag, and linger over a moment when he rubbed the back of my neck while running his fingers through my hair. My body softened, and my pussy pulsed. And then a small dark thought crept into my head; I shouldn’t like it this much. What’s wrong with me? As I remember the moment I remember the thought, and I start chewing on the fingernail of my left index finger. A muscle deep in my chestncontracts and my ears feel like they’re about to pop. My mind starts to race:nnI’m too fat. I get too excited during sex. I am not pretty enough. I can’t believe I said that stupid thing at dinner last night, he must think I’m an idiot. Does he even like me? He’s never going to call me again. I definitely screwed it up. I am a screw up: annunattractive, unintelligent, sex hungry, screw up. He’s definitely never, ever going to call again. He probably just deleted my phone number. I can tell by the way he kissed me goodbye. God damn it!nnI begin to imagine what it would feel like to be rejected by him.nnAnd then, I start my day. I connect with some friends over breakfast, work, practice OM, go out to dinner, and have sex with a casual lover. I crawl into bed still full of energy, but thoroughly satisfied with my life. As I make mental to do lists in mynhead I realize if I never see him again, I will be okay. I like him. And he saw me somewhere vulnerable, a place where I desperately want to be loved and approved of. And if he were to reject me after seeing that, it would burn.nnAnd, that’s okay. Because I have a full and deeply satisfying life, and I am loved.nn nnNicole, our founder, says, 'Your OM practice pays for your sex.' Orgasmic Meditation is a practice that floods your body with energy at a sustainable rate, meaning if you keep doing it and you keep using the energy well, you will never dry up! What does it mean to be dried up you ask? It is a pretty common state that most people run around in, intereacting without connecting, with out feeling, going beyond your body's desire and need in any given interaction, i.e. having sex that's hard and fast when it isn't what your body really needs to feel nourished. The idea is to constantly be nourishing ourselves with every thing we do, so that when we give we are giving because we are full and overflowing, and when we recieve we actually have the space to accept more. Like Lianna, when we have a regular OM practice that fills and nourishes us, we can come to sex and dating from a place of desire, rather than a desperate need to fill an empty well.