Living the Dream
by OneTaste Living Library Mar 31, 2012
nnBy Lianna L.nnThere is a story that society sells to little girls. A man will save you one day, he will scoop you up out of your humdrum life and rescue you. You will have a fabulous wedding full of pink things and frills. The rest of your life will be happily ever after in a nice house with sweet-faced kids, fun vacations, and plenty of money.nnThis story, it never worked for me. As a girl, I hated anything pink and frilly. My mother would try and put me in one of those heinous little girl dresses with the lace and the flowers and I would freak out. I wasn’t a tomboy. I would wear nice simple blue dresses or purple even. But those pink things, they had to go.nnSecondly, by the time I was an early adolescent, I realized I was interested in the cute girls in my class as much, if not more, than the cute boys. And I was obsessed with watching Jennifer Lopez music videos on mute. When I asked my fourteen year-old boyfriend if he would mind if I started making out with my friend Kate, he did not think it was cute or sexy. He was threatened and mad. I never dreamed ofngetting married. It just didn’t seem to apply to me.nnAnd then, there was the idea of owning a house and having children. That always sounded like living death. My parents seemed to hate it. All of my friends’ parents seemed to hate it. I definitely thought the suburbs were a vapid wasteland of conformity and misery. Not the place for me.nnUntil recently I thought I made it somehow unscathed through the socialization machine. I thought that I was enough of a non-conformist that their silly rules just didn’t stick to me.nnBut, as I approach thirty, and some of my friends are beginning to marry, I feel the tug of the unspoken promises. If I do things the right way, I could be happy, accepted, and loved. If I just have a baby, I don’t have to worry about figuring out what my purpose is here in the world. My purpose will grow in my womb and come out of my pussy. And then, I will feel whole and complete caring for this little progeny.nnLife is cheaper in the suburbs. I could have a yard, a dog, a garden, and maybe even a hot tub. It would be nice out there, with my kid and my homegrown vegetables. I love my boyfriend. And we could just settle down, and the rest of our lives would flow easily. And my parents would be proud of me.nnWhy hold out? Is it the sex parties? The community of like-minded freaks around me here in the amazingly rich textured city of San Francisco? Is it the freedom of not being obligated to anything, and knowing that I choose my life fresh every morning? Maybe it’s the hipster coffee shop that I have made my office. There is definitely nothing quite this trendy out in the boonies.nnBut I have realized lately that part of me believes in the promise. As much as I would love to be able to say, I know the quality of my life wouldn’t improve if I decided to have a family and a house; I am out here following my desire, living an interesting and fabulous life, and that is what matters. I can’t quite say that, because I don’t know. And sometimes when I feel like I am floating through my life, I think that other way must be better.nnI have a feeling that it wouldn’t actually make me any happier, that the same battles I am facing would follow me into my blissful bucolic dream. But, the truth is, part of me isn’t quite sure.nn nnHow often do we choose the cookie cutter pattern over making our own design? Is the dream life promise a sustainable reality? When is the last time you paused to question why it is you are striving towards what you are striving towards? Is it a self created, self motivated dream that will take you to your wildest edges, or is it someone else's promise? OM is the catalyst that helps you discover the life you really want to be living.