We’re Actually Channeling
by OneTaste Living Library Mar 1, 2012
nnBy Aubrey F. nnWe’re actually channeling.nnI used to think channeling was some trippy witchy thing involving incantations and ceremonies; rocking forward and back while weird instruments are played and your eyes roll back in your head.nnNow I think it’s when you just stop thinking and let go of who you think you are every second of the day and something else comes through. A you who is undifferentiated from a complete and perfect facet of God himself, or herself, or SheAlmighty, as one of my favorite fictional characters characterizes that un-characterizable force we all know and love (one way or another). A you comes through who knew that the you-who-you-were five seconds ago was destabilized enough for the new you to come through. Confused? Great. That means there’s a chance that you could think, say, create, or express something entirely new that has never before been thought, said, created, or expressed. In this destabilized and confused moment of identity-shaken not-knowing, any number of things, any infinite number of things, could burst through the personality that has been so painstakingly constructed around that God-spark inside of you, and say howdy-do in any number of ways. You could accidentally speak Greek, or you could whisper the beginnings of a prayer before thinking to stop yourself. You could explode with all the secrets of the universe because somewhere in you, you knew you knew them, didn’t you, you brilliant Universe-Singer you?nnAnyway, I channel Orgasm. Not orgasm like “pump pump pump, climax, woo-hoo! That was nice honey, love you, sleep tight, see you tomorrow.” I mean Orgasm, like Holy Shit! Wow there is a burning hot molten melting spreading out of my pussy and through my whole body so agonizingly slow that I feel like vomiting, weeping for joy, and vehemently thanking the person I’m sharing this experience with, ORGASM. Orgasm that goes on rippling through my body for hours afterward. Orgasm that shakes me and tears me apart, vibrates me to pieces, re-makes my identity, re-aligns my identity, with all that is, all that was, and all that could be. Orgasm that is worth going to my knees for. Orgasm that makes its way from deep, deep inside through every cell and fiber all the way to outside and emanates like light through my eyes that people feel as attention, the most quality, loving attention anyone has ever felt.n
This is the orgasm I channel.nI don’t get to channel it with special instruments and sounds, trinkets and the rocking back and forth. It’s too witchy, people think it’s weird. I even think it’s weird; I think it’s hella weird, actually. No, I channel orgasm while wearing heels and silk blouses in a nicely decorated, sophisticated room, and I have hand-outs and informational packets, and there’s a video you can watch, and we have cups of tea. It’s called coaching, and sometimes it’s called teaching.n
There are a lot of intense moments on the ride with clients who come in to get a diagnosis on their orgasm and figure out how the hell to connect more with each other. The scariest and best moment is always when she starts to take her pants off to be stroked. That’s the breath-holding moment when a woman goes past the point of no return. As far as I’m concerned, once she takes her pants off, the client has overtly declared she wants her Orgasm. And they always do, all the women take their pants off, all the women want their Orgasm; I mean, who wouldn’t? Did you read that stuff I wrote up there? This stuff is God-stuff! This stuff is the ultimate fucking game-changer! So of course she always takes her pants off.nThen it’s time for lighter, shorter. Always lighter strokes, always shorter. We’ve all been taught that you should rub the shit outta that thing to get it to feel good. Think again friends, think again. Lighter, shorter strokes, on the upper-left hand quadrant of her clitoris. Her left. Now try faster. Now slow down, use a little more pressure, juice it, feel it, enjoy it…by the way, when did enjoyment just for enjoyment’s sake become a negative thing, people? Why do you say to me with your voices dripping with derision, “don’t you think you’re a little preoccupied with sex? Can’t you get this through yoga?” Sure. Look, I love yoga, but just try having a sustainable relationship with your Orgasm through yoga. And hell yes I am preoccupied with sex; it’s the most awesome thing on the planet and it’s free.nLighter and shorter. The men are so earnest, so sweet, they so want to do it right. Ladies, they want to do it right so bad. They want to be of service to our deepest pleasure and enjoyment so bad. They want us to tell them what we want and how we want it so bad. “Will you stroke a little lighter? Mmm, yeah, just like that. Thank you.” Try it.nnSo back to channeling. Channeling is always saying the thing that you think would be weird or slightly awkward to say. Not the thing that you invented in your little egoic brain, but the thing that first pops up, quiet and true, and you usually say to yourself, no I’m not saying that, that is ridiculous, and embarrassing, and you dismiss it and say something appropriate that completely lacks truth and potency, and you get to live another day, another moment, safe and sound in the identity that people are comfortable with you continuing to have. Channeling is saying to the man stroking his wife, “Oh I felt your sadist come out there! That’s fun to play with, you can draw out her hunger here, women don’t get to feel their desire fully very often.” Or to the woman being stroked, “Let go of your pride here and allow him to feel you. Unclench your belly and let all that tension flow down into your pussy.”nnHesitation clogs the Channel.nnGosh…where is all this juicy inspiration coming from? Am I really just that awesome and brilliant…I mean, yeah, I know I’m great. I am so wise. I am so smart and I dress cool and I totally know what I’m talking about all the time. My knowing runs so deep because I’ve done so much work on myself…nnArrogance clogs the channel too.nnOf course intuitive inspiration from the divine is amazing and pure and nails people to the wall with its truth. It’s divine, duh. Don’t confuse the ideas of your ego with the clear potency of the divine coming through your ego. It’s like light through a stained-glass window. Flex your ego, stretch it, work it out, teach it to dance and how to change channels quickly so that it can move and shift and flow with what wants to come through, always making way for the deeper truth.nnSo hesitation clogs the Channel. There is something to say to the clients, something with weight, and you can feel it and they can feel it, and it’s what they came for, and you’re all just hoping to god that you can say it and say it well. “You have to learn how to stroke her well or she will leave you for the man who can.” “You have to let him feel your desire and your sex or he will find the woman who will.” “You have to stop depending on him emotionally so that he can stop saving you and you won’t hate him.” “You have to let her desire have air to breathe, have a voice, and find approval for it, or her desire will sabotage your relationship.”n
It is always facets of these and a few others, always variations on the same things. I can feel their eyes looking into me, following my every move, looking for the answers to their questions in the curve of my lips and in the shadows of my soul. I can feel them feeling me, searching me, and I have made a silent agreement with them to scope out my interior as much as they ca n bear, and take what they find and use it to heal; use it to know the truth and to unlock their love. I can feel them looking at me, waiting for me to say the thing that they already know but can’t bear to put a voice to. This is what I’m paid for; to put a voice to what they can’t utter. To excavate my own caverns of shadows and darkness and desire, face my fears, become possessed enough to let the things no one can say fall from my lips, and to learn how to let them fall as strokes into the tenderest of crevices, into the most sensitive bed of the soul, with utmost precision, timing, and vulnerability.nI can’t tell them those things right away. I can’t tell them the whole truth unless I feel a window of opportunity to do so. Sometimes I hope that window never comes because each time it does, I am faced with my own fears and choices. Sometimes I hesitate and the window closes and I go to sleep that night knowing that I withheld something that could have freed someone. Sometimes I leap through the window and land the stroke and something unlocks and clicks open inside both of us. Sometimes I leap and miscalculate, miss the opening, splat onto the boundary that has just sprung up before me, and the client looks at me with injured eyes. “Why would you hurt me?” they say. Because one mis-calibration and it seems that I was looking to injure, instead of free someone’s orgasm from its prison. And you can’t tell them that either. And like in a stage play or when landing a plane, you have to keep going, the show must go on, the game continues, you have to stand up and recover, you have to be vulnerable and take responsibility for the mis-step in a way that they can hear and understand.nnBecause we’re dealing with sex. We’re dealing with power beyond measure, with volatile energies that can’t ever be entirely controlled or tamed. And we are dealing with the root of emotion, of sensation, the pulsing heart of life, the origin of all that is, was, and ever will be. We are dealing with the place that women have been wanted for, loved for, hated for, despised and dismembered for, manipulated for, and deified for. People are in the red zone of sensation-overload before they even make it into the room. The first half of the session is spent just verbally stroking them down from their yelping minds and back into their bodies.n
And then, thank God, there is always a moment of breath. They have finally begun the stroke and she has finally begun to feel her orgasm and he has finally begun to feel like maybe he could learn to handle her pussy. The sensation of cool clean fresh air comes into the session and there is a moment of pause, of appreciation just for the sake of appreciation, and my heart wells up with emotion. I feel proud of them because I know how much it takes to say yes to this practice. I feel grateful for being allowed so deeply into someone’s orgasm. I feel a sense of devotion that is sweet relief after trying most of my life to hold back everything inside of me. It feels…so good. Soft looks of pure feeling, no thought, settle onto their faces. It’s quiet in the room, her sighs or moans or breathing the only thing punctuating the silence from time to time. And then in the end, as they finish, and he has clumsily and endearingly toweled her off and she has sat up, rosy and glowing and perhaps slightly perplexed, it turns out that Channeling is actually pure loving of the thing in front of you, of the person and the moment in front of you, and being wholly and completely willing to speak that pure love without censorship, without diminishing.n
This has been a sneak peek into the inner workings of what it is like to be experienced Orgasmic Meditation coach.