Desire vs. Fear: The Eternal Japanese Monster Battle

by OneTaste Living Library  Jan 11, 2012

I’ve come to understand many things while exploring the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. One is that there is a constant dialogue going on inside of me.nnI have found that either desire or fear seems to be driving my thoughts and actions at all times, moving me through my day. Shaping my dreams, my plans, my OM’s, pretty much my entire life!nnAh yes, the eternal Japanese monster battle going on inside us all… Or at least that’s what it feels like some days, when my desire and my fear are duking it out, each one vying for airtime. Think about it, at any given moment, either one is calling the shots.nnHere are a few things I have learned about both.nnAbout Desire:nnDesire creates expansion.nnDesire says YES.nnDesire gets me into motion.nnDesire connects me to other people.nnDesire makes my world bigger.nnDesire is inclusive (there is room for your desire too! In fact our desires collaborate well!)nnDesire felt and expressed makes for a really hot OM.nnAbout Fear:nnFear creates a feeling of contraction.nnFear is all about NO.nnFear separates me from others and often creates a feeling of isolation.nnFear stops me in my tracks.nnFear pretty much kills my turn on.nnFear causes me to stop and assess the situation (or turn away in avoidance not wanting to look at what’s happening).nnFear can keep me in my head and makes for an OM with little sensation.nnOn Fear:nnFear creeps up just about everywhere. It’s insidious! A plague! The bane of our human existence! Down with fear! Who needs it any way! Honey badger don’t care about… umm…nnJust kidding! I am not a fear basher.nnMy fear contains incredible intelligence. If (and I mean IF) I am willing to look at it, understand it, get into relationship with it, it has a lot to teach me. My fears say loads about who I am, what is important to me, and what I can do with out (like old guilt, insecurity or a conditioned sense of shame).nnEmbracing fear has been an integral part of learning to listen to and act on my desires.nnThese days I can often hear the soft peep of my desire just underneath the louder, more obvious fear. Simple example- I have fear that I don’t fit in and will be alone. The desire under there is actually to be connected to others and part of something greater than myself. It’s much easier to sit alone with fear than feel the deeper vulnerability of my desire and reach out because I undeniably want connection!nnOn Desire:nnAh yes- to say yes to desire! Set my compass!nnMy longing for connection! (Yikes!) My appetite! (Oh no, not that!) The yearning in us all to fulfill some purpose and be of service in this wild world! (Yes! Right after I finish watching Game of Thrones!)nnDesire tends to get a bad wrap.nnWell, it’s just that it’s so often kept in the closet- in the dark, with no air or room to express itself, sometimes for years! No wonder it looks funky when it sneaks its way out.nnDeny that a desire exists for too long, and you’ve got the makings of a disruptive and painful mid life crisis. Or some awkward mess to clean up, like a hurt friendship, because when you were tipsy the other night, you decided to make out with your best friends man. Ouch!nnIt's all the (fearful) managing, the stuffing down of desire, hiding it and denying it that takes us away from our true passions. And makes things go wonky when they do.nnSpeaking, owning, loving your desire… easier said than done. I know. Even after years of working with it, I am still surprised at how difficult it can be to ask for what I want.nnOn a good day there is conscious dialogue- I can tell the difference between the fearful rants and the desires as soon as they arise. On a bad day, its like an epic monster battle in my head, consuming lots of attention, taking down power lines, wrecking small villages, sending people screaming and not at all moving me smoothly or efficiently through my day(… but Godzilla was actually a good guy right, just a little careless about where he put his foot sometimes…?).nnThe other reason desire can be cast as the bad guy is because...nnDesire will discipline your ass!nnLike a deep desire for health and fitness- “Yeah, I know I said I was going to try the new slow-carb diet, get all fit and feel good… I’m not getting any younger after all… but hmm… won’t that frozen yogurt with candy bar toppings and chocolate sauce and chocolate chips and strawberries make me feel good… that’s a desire right…?”nnThat’s what I call a desire with a short or diminishing return. Feels good for a few moments, then the sugar rush ebbs and I am left wanting to get back on the diet wagon… and go brush my teeth…nnListening to the deeper desire to be healthy has much greater returns; when I eat well, I feel lighter, brighter and on the right track to a healthier life. A deeper desire requires that I work for it. It shapes me, literally! If I’m willing and I want it bad enough, I can get on board with that desire, it inspires me, moves me and creates healthy discipline in my life.nnWhen I navigate the fears and impulses as they arise, and start working for those deeper essential desires- that’s when I can say, “Ah desire, thank you! You never lead me astray! And thank you too fear, for everything you continue to teach me.”nn nnRoll credits in Japanese, and watch those power lines…nn nnDisclaimer: Life is a complex and varied series of experiences and as sure as I make a definitive statement about the nature of fear, desire, or anything else… some new and wild circumstance will show up to prove me wrong. Your additional comments and varied perspectives on both fear and desire are welcome.nnHere are two books I have found helpful along the way.nnSmile at Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery by Chogyam TrungpannOpen to Desire: The Truth About What the Buddha Taught by Mark Epsteinnn