Transcending the Chatter - My First OM
by Drea Marz Nov 7, 2011
I have had an OM practice for 2 years, and if you would have asked me at the beginning what drew me in, I couldn’t have given you an answer. I didn't know what any of it meant, I just knew that I wanted to OM, and nothing else mattered at that point.I took an OM class that consisted of exercises focused on the essential tenets of OMing. One of the first exercises was a 30 minute seated meditation. To sit with myself in silence void of any distraction, felt excruciating. My mind was racing and I kept wishing that it would be over already.
We did another exercise that illustrated the simple noticing aspect of OM. No judgment, just sitting across from your partner telling them what you notice about them. I remember thinking how rude it would be to tell my partner that I noticed a large white pimple on his forehead. I stayed with more neutral noticing like, “I notice you have brown hair”.
For our lunch assignment, our teachers had us dress up and express desire! Huh? Looking back, the things I expressed were not my desire; they were just what I thought I should say, what everyone else was doing I had never slowed down long enough to feel my desire. Luckily, OMing would put an end to that!
When the class ended, we were given the option of OMing with the guidance of an OM instructor. I stood around as my partner set up the nest. It felt awkward. Should I be doing something, I wondered? Stillness was something foreign. It became apparent to me that my life had become one distraction after another. I was always doing and acting like I thought I should, strong and in control, laid back, apathetic and cool.
The rest of the OM experience was a blur. Only as I look back do I remember that feeling…numbness. I had such a shield protecting me from my life. The sensation of the OM was too deep to feel, so instead I felt nothing. If you’d asked me back then, I wouldn't have been able to tell you an emotion, let alone a sensation.
I guess I was expecting some crazy “sexperience” that would have my clit shooting out fireworks and my pussy howling Hallelujah! Instead, I felt his finger. He was asking me to direct him to the spot, which was unidentifiable to me. Our OM trainer gave us a few adjustments. 'Push out”, she told me. I was encouraged to ask for what I wanted and to call out sensations I was feeling. Everything was so subtle that my mind chattered over it all.
Looking back, I remember trying to figure out what exactly it was that had me feel changed. I could not logically explain the effect that this 15 minutes had had on me....and so, I chose to take on OM as a practice and glean as much insight as possible from it. OMing has given me a voice to speak my truth in any given moment. It has given me the space to let go and receive pleasure in a way that I never thought possible. It has me notice where I am putting my attention and how in focusing it, the sensations accessible to me are infinite. Thank you OM!