No moans required
by OneTaste Living Library Jul 15, 2011
Why does it seem like there’s always more to say on the subject of faking orgasm? Oh, that’s right, because so many of us do it. It’s practically an epidemic. And what’s the #1 symptom of the faking disease? You heard it here first: pretend moaning.
Moaning is the required soundtrack for sex, right? What would orgasm be without the “ohhh”s and “uh, uh, uh”s?
Um, it would be REAL. That’s what it would be.
It’s why you’re interested in OM in the first place. To experience real orgasm, not the fake kind. In this blog we’ll give you on-the-ground tips straight from the experts for how to turn off the dramatics and get down with real orgasm for a change.
Why Fake It?
First, you must know why women fake it. Here are the top five reasons women fake moaning during OM:
- She thinks it’s what she’s supposed to do, so she does it.
- She thinks it will increase sensation in her body if she moans.
- She thinks it will increase sensation in her stroker’s body if she moans.
- She thinks her stroker deserves to know they're doing a good job.
- She wants her stroker to know s/he’s stroking too hard (weird but true).
There are many, many more reasons. But you get the idea.
Fake moaning decreases intimacy. It amounts to lying to your partner. It prioritizes thinking (I should be doing this, I wonder how he’s feeling, etc.) over feeling. In other words, it undermines all the reasons you are OMing in the first place.
Change Your Moaning Habits to Make Your Orgasm Real
Trust us: If you get your moaning on the track of authenticity, the rest will follow. There are only four ways to moan for real orgasm. Women, take note.
- Involuntarily. Don’t give much thought to your moans. If one comes out of its own accord, great. But don’t manufacture or “try” to moan.
- To express what you feel. Moan exactly how it feels. Don’t try and influence anything with your moans; don’t use them for ulterior motives; and don’t try to convince him of anything. Just allow your voice to describe the sensation in your body.
- Not at all. Have a silent OM. Safeport your partner in advance that you won’t be making any sound. Talking is still allowed (offers / requests / frames / safeporting / etc.), but no moaning. Just feel. If you free yourself from the expectation of a soundtrack, you can put all of your attention on feeling instead.
- Like a porn star. Here’s where you can have some fun. Many women have a far greater range than we know. There are moans that want to come out that we don’t even recognize are there. So try going all the way to the other end of the spectrum. Deliberately have an OM where your moans are greatly exaggerated. Prepare your stroker beforehand, and then let ‘em rip. You might be surprised how much turn on was in there, just waiting to have its day in the sun.
Ladies, if you stick to these four different reasons for moaning, you will be surprised how much else about your orgasm will start to shift. You may find yourself moving in a different way, paying more attention to what you’re feeling in your body, and having more potent and sensational OMs. Witness what a little reality can do.
But What About the Stroker?
Exactly—what can a guy (or a female stroker) do when it comes to keeping his partner honest? How can you verify her moans are the real thing? The answer is, you can’t. But you can help her drop the dramatic display and stay true to her own experience. Here are three ways to encourage authenticity while you stroke:
- Ignore her moans—or lack thereof. Yes, we mean it. Pay attention to what you’re feeling, not what you’re hearing. Learn to connect to the sensation in your own body. Then, stroke her in resonance with your direct experience, not based on her soundtrack. Getting good at this will put you head and shoulders above other strokers. If she trusts you’re enjoying yourself regardless of what she’s doing, she can relax and get on with the business of getting off!
- Invite her to have a silent OM. See #3 in the section above. A silent OM may be disorienting at first if she’s usually vocal, but give it a try. You may find that in the silence you’ll be able to hear the whisper of your stroker spidey-sense that much better.
- If she’s communicating something, find out what it is. A moan that to a guy sounds like 'That feels awesome, you’re a rockstar stroker!' may actually be 'Way too much pressure there, cowboy!' Really, you’d be surprised. Find out. Make her an offer—would you like me to stroke more lightly? Would you like more pressure? Her response will give you the information you’re looking for. This goes not only for moans but for anything you sense or feel. You only need to ask a few times to get calibrated.
Following these simple tips doesn’t mean the woman you’re stroking will never fake it. But it does mean it won’t matter one way or the other if she does—because you’ll be getting off on the stroke you’re giving, no moans required.